Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 7

Day 7

The guy is really not against the skull hand, per se, it can serve the same general gripping purpose, and it's not his ... ahem ... right hand (sorry lefties), and "Hey, check out my skull hand" is a great ice-breaker at the bar.

No, this skeleton isn't satisfied with just attaching himself to this man, he's going to crank up the jerkiness by actually being a Christmas skeleton.  Nothing else says nerve-shattering terror than twinkling red and green lights.  By the way, that's not skull spit in between his teeth, it's tinsel.

Skull spit.  Hm.  Good punk band name!

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 6

Day 6

Skeleton: Miram, I know you are out there, and you are going to start wearing a bra!

Miram: No, I want to be loose and fancy free!

Skeleton: And we are going to have to do something about those panty lines, what are you wearing under there?  A twisted plate from the Titanic?  Get a thong!

Miram: But I'm wearing a Skontong!

Skeleton: Why do you take panty advice from the Slithering Horror?

Miram: This is the last time I hire a skeleton as a fashion coordinator!

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 5

Day 5

The guy in the bed is going to be very surprised to find out what being "first" means and why second place was called "sloppy seconds."

That's right folks, 5 days in, and I've already gone there.  Going to be a long month.

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 4

Day 4

The skeleton's favorite?  Miss G2IITM.

This is some high level jerkiness on display.  You can soap somebody's windows, or TP a house, but this skeleton has gone straight to the height of institutionalized sexist jerk-dom, the beauty pageant.  He's going to judge these women directly on their bodies -- he'll ignore any rambling, nine paragraph answers about world peace that somehow ends up at how cute it would be to train raccoons to be in a little raccoon marching band.

Actually, though, the joke is on this skeleton.  This is a comic-book, and therefore, the red-headed and freckled contestant far right?  Jimmy Olsen in drag.

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 3

Day 3

Overheard in a comic book studio, 1951:

Editor: No, more definition on the breasts!  Do it again!

Artist: But sir, I need to spend some time on the tree so it doesn't look like crap!

Editor: More definition on the ta-tas or your fired!

Artist: Fine, whatever ...

Editor: ... and make the tree look like a sausage!

These skeletons -- just go with it, OK -- got buried vertically for some reason, even old one-armed Lester.  They are certainly a bunch of jerks, though, ripping her nice yellow amoebas floating in lime jello dress.  Luckily, ace lawyer Matt Murdock is on the case!

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 2

Day 2

Skeletons might be jerks, but boy are they stacked!

Abdul, straight out of central racist casting, is a bit surprised that his lovely bejeweled bride turns out to be a jerk skeleton in disguise.  Skeletons can't get enough of screwing with people this way, and skeletons especially hate guys who think that a matching pattern on a deflated chef's hat and a slimming cummerbund are the height of fashion.

From the look on his face, he's thinking "sure, I think I can get used to the skull face."

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 1

Day 1

Surprise Skeleton!

Honestly, Margret, we've been married woman and skeleton for 23 years and your overly dramatic hysteria is getting a wee bit old.  I just asked for you to dress up like a sexy nurse, not put on a damn fainting production like you're still taking part in a high school production of Oklahoma.

Never should have married a theater geek.