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The Secret Dream Models of Oliver Nibble
slowly grinds down to it's inventible conclusion of boobs, dancing, and that icky sensation rolling down the back of your spine. Let's see what our last lady has to offer.
Emergency exits are to the front and left ...
Here we see her modeling the latest in 60s fashion, the wallpaper and masking tape dress. All the rage with any style-forward homeless women! This dress serves as a perfect complement to those cold nights around the burning fire barrel, just don't get to close to the flying embers!
Get a few drinks in Mary Tyler Moore and she's a wild cat!
Next up our lovely model shows off the super hot brain-splatter-less Jackie-O dress. A real stunner for any caravan where bullets might fly and the fashionable lady has to catch her husband's brains with aplomb!
What I'm trying to say is it was never proven conclusively that Dick Van Patten wasn't
the second shooter.
Coincidence? Or just a bad joke? You decide! (It's a bad joke.)
Damn it, I told you to stop playing sexy lady with the drapes!
Finally, watch as she models the hottest look for the '67 Sears lingerie line -- it might look like she clubbed a series of grandmothers and sewed their aprons into a sack-like pastel-flower nightmare, but this is the height of sexy for good, morally upstanding households for whom the very notion of nudity would send the family dog into conniptions.
Note the small hint of leg. Burn the witch!
The beauty of being able to single step through a movie!
Dick the chipmunk loves nuts! Nuts nuts nuts! Mmmmmm!
Somebody forgot their garters again!
I'm now convinced this movie is a plot by the forces of decency in the 60s. Let me explain the conspiracy.
All our ladies come out with boobs akimbo and do some dancing, which gets you all revved up. But what you don't understand is it only exists to make sure the horror that follows is not only unexpected, but is also so damaging to your psyche that from that moment on you will treat all nude women as Alex treated Beethoven in A Clockwork Orange
Prepare yourself ...
If you need any further proof that movies are make-believe, then I can't help you.
Yes, Dick Van Patten's O-face, while his body is being pressed upon by three super hot strippers. Something that will never happen to you, ever, no matter how long you live, or what good deeds you do, or even if you strive to look like a lumpy bowl of red-faced oatmeal.
Depressing, isn't it? Let's see how this film ends up.
It's a cat doing something cute! Must post to Facebook!
Oliver has to come back to reality, but on the way down the street he spies a camera shop, and as much as the hideous hag of a wife (in these kind of shorts, even the ugly women are attractive) tries to stop him, he goes crazy and starts photographing everything, all the while doing this manic-style hoping. He looks like a rabbit on eight cups of coffee, getting in one last good hop before his heart explodes.
And so ends The Secret Dream Models of Oliver Nibble, a nudie cutie that, against all common sense, stars Dick Van Patten.
I've heard rumors of one containing the guy who played Gopher on Love Boat.*
* I'm kidding. I hope.