Thursday, October 30, 2014

Your Final Answer Episode 9 Halloween Special!

It's special guest stars galore in Your Final Answer's 2014 Halloween Special!  All guests are immediately ignored as the Reaper attempts to push his new Found Footage Horror Film ... The Soup Witch.  Or maybe its more of a trailer.  He's only sure it's scary!  Sadly, the suits upstairs want a couple "minor" edits ...

If you have a YouTube account, please subscribe, and feel free to share or like or subscribe to any of the other media I'm constantly using to aggressively pimp this project!

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Days 29-31

As I'm going to be concentrating on Your Final Answer in the coming months, I'm finishing out Skeletons are Jerks with a grand blow-out, because tomorrow sees the release of the Your Final Answer Halloween Special!

So, on to our final round-up of jerky skeletons!

Day 29

The anatomy of a straw man argument: he's not arguing that people don't live forever, he's arguing to not die right this very second!  And, is he going to get executed by breasts, because that's the way this cover is staged.

Again, another artist who shouldn't be drawing covers after being turned down for a date!

Skeleton on the right is really, really pissed at the skeleton on the left.  That guy took the last pair of goggly eyes, and now he's stuck with two marbles ratting around in his sockets.

Day 30

OK, add one more artist that shouldn't be drawing covers after being turned down for a date!

Sure, the robbed and sickle wielding skeleton is a bit menacing, but the other skeletons look like they are just screwing around.  Being jerks, as they would say.  They aren't helping at all!  The one on the left is desperately trying to peek at the cleavage, the one in the middle is a jerk racist working on his "mammy" pose, and the one in the back is just doing "look at me, mom, and you said I'd never amount to anything at the black mass!"

Can we top this collection of skeletal jerks?

Day 31


The guy in the back isn't shaking in fear, he's shaking in anger.  First, the trumpeter is wasting everybody's time due to the slight fact that he doesn't have any lungs.  The conductor won't get rid of his smelly sea weed toupee even though everybody knows it's fake, and the skeleton bottom left seems to be operating the controls to a drawbridge, and that's really got to interfere with the rhythm!

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 28

Day 28

What woman could die with such a fabulous mustache growing on that upper lip?

By the way, here, once and for all, is proof of somebody that is "big boned."

Monday, October 27, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 27

Day 27

"We paid over $2K to get those front teeth fixed!  My insurance company is going to hear about this!"

Can anybody figure out the Da Vinci Code level of underlining in the story titles?  "of" and "in" I can understand, but not "and" and then going for the "in" in "Avenging" seems more OCD-ish than complete-ish.

And he really needs to sue that dentist!  And whoever applied that woman's make-up!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 26

Day 26

"Unspeakable Evil?"

I know what it is, and I will speak it's name.  No, it's not attempting to hide the skull coming out of her face.  It's the ... get ready ... put on your knee pads and mouth guards.  Ready?  Are you sure?  Life insurance up to date?  I'm going to speak to unspeakable evil, you know!  OK.  You asked for it.

Granny Panties.

I was originally going to go with the physics of how those breasts actually exist in a 3D world, but that truly is unspeakable.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 25

Day 25

Grand.  Really grand.  First, I have to fight the WARRIOR OF DEATH, and now his pal, horror shows up?

By the way, somebody got commissioned to draw a skull and instead handed in a really toothy guy with red John Lennon glasses.  Nobody at Warren publishing cared, they probably only paid $1 for it, anyway, and probably re-ran it 28 times.  That last joke was for comic historians, only.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 24

Day 24

There was a near riot at the venue when the bride removed her veil.

Groom thought, "eh, she's still got a nice rack" and the wedding went on as planned, except when he tried to push the cake into her face, half of it got stuck in the eye sockets and the rest just goo-ed out of the jaw holes like a really low budget play doh mold.

Still, nice rack.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 23

Day 23

Some skeletons are ashamed of how renowned skeletons are for being jerks.  So much that they try to hide that they are a skeleton.  Pro tip: Layers of pudding on top of layers of mashed potatoes isn't fooling anybody.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Your Final Answer, Episode 8

This week's question reveals the evil intent of an insidious organization, and forces the Reaper to run to his safe house with only Sir Paw Paw MC Floppy Ears and a delicious bowl of Count Chocula!  Will he survive?  Please do not tell anyone the shock ending, or else they might realize it's not really that shocking ...

Your Final Answer [Episode 8]

If you have a youtube account, please subscribe!  New episodes every Thursday (about that, unless disaster strikes!)  Please share, like, and comment!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 22

Day 22

You wouldn't think a peeping tom skeleton could be a good thing, would you?  Well, let's put it this way, there's something a peeping tom skeleton is unable to do, and because of that, nobody will have to spray down the bushes tomorrow.

If I need to write a heavy metal song, I already have the first verse:

Here's to Horror,
Carnival of Death!
Doomed to Live Forever,
The Devil's Store!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 21

Day 21

The Dead Don't Sleep!

The dead also don't take showers.  And they love hugs.  Group hugs.

Adventures into Terror isn't hyperbole!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 20

Day 20

At first glance, this seems to be a very helpful skeleton.  He's bringing a shovel to help that guy dig!  Sounds great, right?

Except that skeleton is only bringing his own shovel to tell the guy how to dig, and to demonstrate it.  He's the most jerky type of skeleton of all: the known-it-all skeleton.  That guy is in for a 20 minute lesson on shoveling and then 3 hours of disapproving looks.

That's being a jerk!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 19

Day 19

Somewhere, in this world, there's somebody that saw this cover and formed a fetish, and now that guy is suffering beyond belief, because he's looking for a woman with:

1. snake fingers
2. skull butt
3. hair made by gluing together various cat hairballs

He's written one letter per day to internet advice columnists!

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 18

Day 18

Yeah, sure dare me to read your eerie tales of supernatural horror.  Or is it weird yarns of unseen terrors?  Well, if you are going to dare me, make up your mind!

Here we see the most gummy skeleton around.  He must have really taken the healthly gums lecture from the dentist to heart, because he's keep a real great pair of them!  The guy he's "kissing and killing", and hopefully in that order, isn't screaming as he gets hit, but demanding the skeleton tell him his gum-brushing ritual.

Skeleton's a jerk, though.  Not going to tell him.  Might kiss him.  Will certainly kill him, but will never tell him his gum hygiene secrets.  He'll take that to the grave.  Or already did!

Friday, October 17, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 17

Day 17

Skeletons hate old people.

They hate them so much they setup up an elaborate court-room drama just to screw with this old guy. They even rented a bat from the vampires, and one poor skeleton sacrificed his head just for added shock value.

The coffin as the jury box is a nice touch, though it being nearly square means it's only suited for SpongeBob SquarePants, and frankly, he doesn't have a skeleton.

What's this old guys crime?  Not drinking enough milk and bitterly complaining about the aches in his bones.  Again, skeletons just really, really hate old folks.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 16

Day 16

Hey, you got sports in my horror ...
Hey, you got horror in my sports ...
My god, this is awful, throw it away!

"He was death on cleats."  Probably slightly scarier than "Death in Bunny Slippers" but a lot less scary than "Death in Nice Pumps."

Your Final Answer, Episode 7

The Reaper throws out a lot of comic-related jokes for comic folks, but then gets accused of sexism and starts digging a hole ... and very deep and very dangerous hole.  His response?  Just keeps on digging!

Your Final Answer [Episode 7]

If you have a youtube account, please subscribe!  New episodes every Thursday (about that, unless disaster strikes!)  Please share, like, and comment!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 15

Day 15

Nothing like going into hellish combat when your skeleton is 3 feet tall and has a 6 inch spike on his head.  That's just an accident waiting to happen!  And why does he get the shield?  He's got no flesh!  He's a jerk and selfish!

What's worse?  He asked the demon lady out.  He used the word "bone" one too many times.  She told him to jump into a lake.  He tweeted endless about women.  That, my friends, is an entitled jerk skeleton.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 14

Day 14

Are you finally happy, Lynda?  Are you?

I got you that pump-action microwave you've always wanted!  Now you can finally cook that skull you've had laying about!  Maybe now you'll get off your ass and out of the coffin and clean up around here!

I mean, look at the place, it's infested with monkey bats!*

* this joke recycled from the Lockhorns.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 13

Day 13

Ralph, Ralph, I did everything for you!

I removed 7 or 8 ribs, I don't know, I lost count!  I replaced all my hair with yellow playdough shaped like an octopus and wore butter instead of a skirt.

Why you wanted all this, I don't know, but I did it for you, Ralph!

I hope you don't come back as a rotting zombie, I might get so frightened that my breasts fuse into a single unit!  Hell, you probably wanted that, too!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 12

Day 12

This skeleton has taken being a jerk to a higher level by basically stating facts about the inevitability  of death and then forces you to sit through his vacation photos.  He claims the missing person details surrounded by fields of yellow and green was an artistic decision, but everybody around him knows the green is because he keeps getting his tattered rags into the shot and the yellow is orangatan bile.  

Nobody asks how he got it, and how he got it in such great quantities.

Nice picture of a drowning guy, though.  Always shoot those with the crotch in the foreground.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 11

Day 11

"Hunted, Vampirella flees to a mysterious underground city ... where death waits!"

Vampirella sucks at fleeing.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 10

Day 10

Another meeting at the Moose Lodge ruined when Larry, for the fourth time, forgot to put holes in the cake with the stripper.  His Grand Poo-ba is rightly pissed, but fellow members Jake, Carl, and Dennis are just dreading going out into the woods with their shovels.  Fourth time, Larry, fourth time.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 9

Day 9

"Hey, Joe, how did the pearl harvest go today."
"Nada boss, oh, but I found one skeleton.  Real jerk that guy."

Note that the skeleton is basically stuck to the clam.  He's been in there a while.  There are no pearls, but there's certainly other presents left by the skeleton in desperate need of a bathroom.  The fish in the bottom left?  They are having nothing of it -- they might eat their own feces -- but they draw the line at soggy skeleton feces.

Another great band name!

Your Final Answer, Episode 6

The Reaper pines away for Marie Osmond, but is rudely interrupted by a viewer question that takes him back to a time of strife and terror, i.e., his senior prom.  There he meets two bullies who are very much concerned with the quality of their pun-based insults, and then the same ending as Carrie (in spirit, within the margin of error.)

Your Final Answer [Episode 6]

Share it, link it, and please subscribe to the channel if you have a youtube account!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 8

Day 8

The dictionary definition of "hey, a little help here!"

Being a jerk, ancient robo-skeleton doesn't want to actually ask for help, so is slyly peering down at his lost eye, hoping the guy in the really useless denim space suit will just suddenly have the urge to lob the eye back into it's socket.

That, or this is just the future Earth and a space traveler has stumbled upon the remains of the Skeleton Burger™ ordering system.  Please Speak Clearly Into The Giant Skull.  Would You Like Skeleton Fries With That?

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 7

Day 7

What is it with people on horror comic covers who can't turn their heads?  Are they really owls?  That would be kind of creepy!  Maybe that's the twist ending, they are all owls!

When there's a problem, make sure you dial 911, and not 912.  912 gets you to the Irony Police, who will just say something pithy, and, on a good day, slightly ironic, and then walk off while ignoring the sounds of one guy and three color-coded monsters struggling 20 feet away.  The Irony Police suck.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 6

Day 6

Get ready for the strange and unbelievable, not in spooks, but in architecture!

Hey, lady, I don't see why you're the scared one, have you seen that haircut?  Did you get held hostage in a rollerskating rink and they forced that hair cut on you?  Did two giant caterpillars roll up for the winter in your hair?  That skeleton should be running for the hills, not you, just in case that style is catching!

Take a good look at that door.  While I appreciate the home owner's extreme style (extreme hair, extreme purple bricks) I don't appreciate her insistence that part of the door be in the four dimension. First off, it's too small for her to fit herself and those enormous buns through (hair, I mean, I think) and the door seems to float about 6 inches outside the frame, only held up by some otherworldly inky black substance.

Oh, and the skeleton's hat doesn't fit.

I'm saying this was probably drawn by an otter.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 5

Day 5

I'm ready for the deluge of google searches this one is going to bring me!

Oh lordy, I have the vapors!

"On the hot ... Vampirella and Dracula encounter ... giant slug."  Are they even trying anymore?  They just needed to add "veined" and possibly "swollen" to wrap that one up!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 4

Day 4

They went all out on the title "Baron Weirwulf's Haunted Library," reducing it from the original title "Baron Weirwulf's Heirted Libulfy."

Does "NYYAAHHRR!!" count as a peep?

Lady, he said "one peep out of you and you're dead", and you gargle that yell?  That collection of letters the artist thought might have sounded like a scream but is actually the noise a model airplane motor makes after being soaked in oatmeal?

Then you follow it up with "D-Don't hurt m-me, please!"  Can't you follow simple directions?  Is that why you mistook the purple spray paint for hair spray this morning?  And why you thought, "hey, let's just spray everything down with it."

You deserve to get jumped by a skull faced monster in a nice red polo sweater.  Probably named Biff. Biff the skull-faced thug.  Another good band name!

Friday, October 3, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 3

Day 3

Day 3: dental work and clothes needed.

Scene in the offices of Warren Publishing, December, 1980:

Editor: On this cover, I need sex and death!
Artist: Oh, you mean like a metaphor?
Editor: What's a metaphor?  No you dope, a big skull and a babe!

Thus an angry artist spends way too much time on feet and not enough on the come hither stare of either the skull or the woman.  That'll teach that editor!  What dumb assignment does he have for me next?  Bruce Bloodletter?!?  Agh!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 2

Day 2

Skulls count as skeletons, right?  I'd better hope so, because that's all I got on some of these!

Hey, mister floating skull guy.  Here's an idea, use your awesome floating skull powers to help the woman get out of the web, instead of staring straight at her butt with that cocky grin.

Other things you might consider using your hellish powers for?  Berating the artist for not getting a book and seeing what spiders actually look like.  Another use?  Infect the copy writer with boils for using the word "yarns."  Also, some kind of painful end for the pervert that wrote "body she felt slide out."

Your Final Answer, Episode 5

This week's question is actually pretty gross, and boy does the Reaper get side-tracked, but if you stick around until the end, you get to see a hot redhead in lingerie!  No a trick!  It's real!  Certainly this is no elaborate prank!

Your Final Answer [Episode 5]

Please help support my little dog n' pony n' reaper comedy show.  Share it with your friends, like it, and leave a comment with future questions for the reaper!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 1

Day 1

Welcome to 31 days of Skeletons being Jerks!  It's year 2 for this, and I'm scraping the bottom of the horror comic skeleton covers, so get ready for many days when I misconstrue other monsters as skeletons to bulk this feature up.  You can still expect the same level of snark, though!

I hardly think you can say you searched everywhere when one of the areas you neglected to search only required you to turn your head.

Most people would think the skeletons are about to do something a little worse than jerky, and most people would probably also go "why did the artist draw in a giant bug for no reason?"  But, in fact, the skeletons merely want to point out that her hair style went out of fashion in 1627.

Glenn Danzig poking out from the center of the image is especially impressed with all the skulls on this cover.  He might just have to write a song ...