Your Final Answer Episode 9 Halloween Special!

It's special guest stars galore in Your Final Answer's 2014 Halloween Special!  All guests are immediately ignored as the Reaper attempts to push his new Found Footage Horror Film ... The Soup Witch.  Or maybe its more of a trailer.  He's only sure it's scary!  Sadly, the suits upstairs want a couple "minor" edits ...

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Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Days 29-31

As I'm going to be concentrating on Your Final Answer in the coming months, I'm finishing out Skeletons are Jerks with a grand blow-out, because tomorrow sees the release of the Your Final Answer Halloween Special!

So, on to our final round-up of jerky skeletons!

Day 29

The anatomy of a straw man argument: he's not arguing that people don't live forever, he's arguing to not die right this very second!  And, is he going to get executed by breasts, because that's the way this cover is staged.

Again, another artist who shouldn't be drawing covers after being turned down for a date!

Skeleton on the right is really, really pissed at the skeleton on the left.  That guy took the last pair of goggly eyes, and now he's stuck with two marbles ratting around in his sockets.

Day 30

OK, add one more artist that shouldn't be drawing covers after being turned down for a date!

Sure, the robbed and sickle wielding skeleton is a bit menacing, but the other skeletons look like they are just screwing around.  Being jerks, as they would say.  They aren't helping at all!  The one on the left is desperately trying to peek at the cleavage, the one in the middle is a jerk racist working on his "mammy" pose, and the one in the back is just doing "look at me, mom, and you said I'd never amount to anything at the black mass!"

Can we top this collection of skeletal jerks?

Day 31

Certainly!

The guy in the back isn't shaking in fear, he's shaking in anger.  First, the trumpeter is wasting everybody's time due to the slight fact that he doesn't have any lungs.  The conductor won't get rid of his smelly sea weed toupee even though everybody knows it's fake, and the skeleton bottom left seems to be operating the controls to a drawbridge, and that's really got to interfere with the rhythm!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 28

Day 28

What woman could die with such a fabulous mustache growing on that upper lip?

By the way, here, once and for all, is proof of somebody that is "big boned."

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 27

Day 27

"We paid over $2K to get those front teeth fixed!  My insurance company is going to hear about this!"

Can anybody figure out the Da Vinci Code level of underlining in the story titles?  "of" and "in" I can understand, but not "and" and then going for the "in" in "Avenging" seems more OCD-ish than complete-ish.

And he really needs to sue that dentist!  And whoever applied that woman's make-up!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 26

Day 26

"Unspeakable Evil?"

I know what it is, and I will speak it's name.  No, it's not attempting to hide the skull coming out of her face.  It's the ... get ready ... put on your knee pads and mouth guards.  Ready?  Are you sure?  Life insurance up to date?  I'm going to speak to unspeakable evil, you know!  OK.  You asked for it.

Granny Panties.

I was originally going to go with the physics of how those breasts actually exist in a 3D world, but that truly is unspeakable.

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 25

Day 25

Grand.  Really grand.  First, I have to fight the WARRIOR OF DEATH, and now his pal, horror shows up?

By the way, somebody got commissioned to draw a skull and instead handed in a really toothy guy with red John Lennon glasses.  Nobody at Warren publishing cared, they probably only paid $1 for it, anyway, and probably re-ran it 28 times.  That last joke was for comic historians, only.

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 24

Day 24

There was a near riot at the venue when the bride removed her veil.

Groom thought, "eh, she's still got a nice rack" and the wedding went on as planned, except when he tried to push the cake into her face, half of it got stuck in the eye sockets and the rest just goo-ed out of the jaw holes like a really low budget play doh mold.

Still, nice rack.

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 23

Day 23

Some skeletons are ashamed of how renowned skeletons are for being jerks.  So much that they try to hide that they are a skeleton.  Pro tip: Layers of pudding on top of layers of mashed potatoes isn't fooling anybody.

Your Final Answer, Episode 8

This week's question reveals the evil intent of an insidious organization, and forces the Reaper to run to his safe house with only Sir Paw Paw MC Floppy Ears and a delicious bowl of Count Chocula!  Will he survive?  Please do not tell anyone the shock ending, or else they might realize it's not really that shocking ...

Your Final Answer [Episode 8]

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Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 22

Day 22

You wouldn't think a peeping tom skeleton could be a good thing, would you?  Well, let's put it this way, there's something a peeping tom skeleton is unable to do, and because of that, nobody will have to spray down the bushes tomorrow.

If I need to write a heavy metal song, I already have the first verse:

Here's to Horror,

Carnival of Death!

Doomed to Live Forever,

The Devil's Store!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 21

Day 21

The Dead Don't Sleep!

The dead also don't take showers.  And they love hugs.  Group hugs.

Adventures into Terror isn't hyperbole!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 20

Day 20

At first glance, this seems to be a very helpful skeleton.  He's bringing a shovel to help that guy dig!  Sounds great, right?

Except that skeleton is only bringing his own shovel to tell the guy how to dig, and to demonstrate it.  He's the most jerky type of skeleton of all: the known-it-all skeleton.  That guy is in for a 20 minute lesson on shoveling and then 3 hours of disapproving looks.

That's being a jerk!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 19

Day 19

Somewhere, in this world, there's somebody that saw this cover and formed a fetish, and now that guy is suffering beyond belief, because he's looking for a woman with:

1. snake fingers

2. skull butt

3. hair made by gluing together various cat hairballs

He's written one letter per day to internet advice columnists!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 18

Day 18

Yeah, sure dare me to read your eerie tales of supernatural horror.  Or is it weird yarns of unseen terrors?  Well, if you are going to dare me, make up your mind!

Here we see the most gummy skeleton around.  He must have really taken the healthly gums lecture from the dentist to heart, because he's keep a real great pair of them!  The guy he's "kissing and killing", and hopefully in that order, isn't screaming as he gets hit, but demanding the skeleton tell him his gum-brushing ritual.

Skeleton's a jerk, though.  Not going to tell him.  Might kiss him.  Will certainly kill him, but will never tell him his gum hygiene secrets.  He'll take that to the grave.  Or already did!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 17

Day 17

Skeletons hate old people.

They hate them so much they setup up an elaborate court-room drama just to screw with this old guy. They even rented a bat from the vampires, and one poor skeleton sacrificed his head just for added shock value.

The coffin as the jury box is a nice touch, though it being nearly square means it's only suited for SpongeBob SquarePants, and frankly, he doesn't have a skeleton.

What's this old guys crime?  Not drinking enough milk and bitterly complaining about the aches in his bones.  Again, skeletons just really, really hate old folks.

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 16

Day 16

Hey, you got sports in my horror ...

Hey, you got horror in my sports ...

My god, this is awful, throw it away!

"He was death on cleats."  Probably slightly scarier than "Death in Bunny Slippers" but a lot less scary than "Death in Nice Pumps."

Your Final Answer, Episode 7

The Reaper throws out a lot of comic-related jokes for comic folks, but then gets accused of sexism and starts digging a hole ... and very deep and very dangerous hole.  His response?  Just keeps on digging!

Your Final Answer [Episode 7]

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Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 15

Day 15

Nothing like going into hellish combat when your skeleton is 3 feet tall and has a 6 inch spike on his head.  That's just an accident waiting to happen!  And why does he get the shield?  He's got no flesh!  He's a jerk and selfish!

What's worse?  He asked the demon lady out.  He used the word "bone" one too many times.  She told him to jump into a lake.  He tweeted endless about women.  That, my friends, is an entitled jerk skeleton.

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 14

Day 14

Are you finally happy, Lynda?  Are you?

I got you that pump-action microwave you've always wanted!  Now you can finally cook that skull you've had laying about!  Maybe now you'll get off your ass and out of the coffin and clean up around here!

I mean, look at the place, it's infested with monkey bats!*

* this joke recycled from the Lockhorns.

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 13

Day 13

Ralph, Ralph, I did everything for you!

I removed 7 or 8 ribs, I don't know, I lost count!  I replaced all my hair with yellow playdough shaped like an octopus and wore butter instead of a skirt.

Why you wanted all this, I don't know, but I did it for you, Ralph!

I hope you don't come back as a rotting zombie, I might get so frightened that my breasts fuse into a single unit!  Hell, you probably wanted that, too!