Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Every Halloween, I wonder if this is the one where I'll grow tired of it ... and then a witch balancing a pumpkin on her butt rides up on her motorcycle and hands me a pop, and everything is right with the world again!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Finally, the Better Homes and Gardens Halloween special is here! I hope it has a recipe for purple warty black pumpkin!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Only 1 out of 10 is cheese!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Eat enough candy corn and your hair will turn neon orange and yellow, too!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

She won't take you back? Well, this Halloween, put that box of assorted candies to good use!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

You put a packet of flavored drink mix in my Halloween bag and we'd better be at Jonestown or you are getting the t-p treatment!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

The kids are loving this because all of the horny dads taking them trick or treating have circled this house multiple times!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Hey, kids, don't cut out the Mars logo! That's branding and it's more important than your safety!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Well, somebody is ending up chained to a pipe in her basement!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

"So, follow me here ... for this ad, we want the pumpkins to be square, the bats to be pandas with wings stapled to them, and all witches must front fart black dots."

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

I like how they draw the pirate hook over the nerds, good luck eating those with a hook! That's a real jerk move!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

All candy delivered from broom by witches. Kindly do not ask your delivery witch where the candy is stored. Under no circumstances order the gum.

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Hey kids, just let me reach into my giant bucket of wax shaped like corn, wax shaped like Indian corn, wax shaped like a pumpkin, or some wax shaped like a turkey left over from the last Thanksgiving. Happy Halloween!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

I'm exactly like the tooth fairy, except I come in the dead of night with my own pair of pliers!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Sure, make your deadly anti-freeze ad look just like a candy ad for Halloween. That pumpkin isn't being cold, it's exhaling because it just narrowly avoided a lawsuit!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Don't worry kids, I ate the witch! She tasted like chalk!

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

Alternate take for Halloween 3: Season of the Witch.

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

I'll give them credit for all the ways they package it, but I'm still not eating candy made primarily out of leaves.

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

After only 5 or 6 Rheingold's, paper-hat-witch-pumpkin starts whispering on how to get rid of that lazy husband: "Kill him with my nose, then eat it, it's the perfect crime!"

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

This year, I'm handing out candy bars the size of a brick.

Candy of Shame Halloween 2026

When you've run out of candy and don't want to admit it, so you pull out the cereal your kid won't eat because it has a serial killer clown on it. Also, might contain SUGAR, possibly. Two months of halloween starts today!