More improved Charlie Brown Costumes

Every Halloween this blog tries to think of quick and easy ways to improve Charlie Brown's relatively lackluster ghost costume.  Here's a few more suggestion.  Before trying these, ask a grown up for help, or at least the attendant in the insane asylum you are currently residing in if you are really thinking of trying any of these crappy overlaid drawings.

Brain-Eating Ameba

This is a good costume for the kids who desire a career in the CDC, or just anybody with liquified brains dripping out of their eye sockets.

Pazuzu

That quick, subliminal face in the Exorcist makes a fine costume, sure to be admired by the 1% of the population that actually survived the trauma of seeing it without immediately erasing it from their minds.  Also, film nerds.  Or ancient Assyrians. 

The Human Charliepede

Ask you mom to help sew you friends mouth-to-anus.  You should probably find the the most convenient time to ask, more than likely, not over diner.

Halloween 2013: Sexy Costume Fix 6

We are a couple days away from October, and that's when I unveil my 31 days of Halloween posts.  It's sure to be a classic bit of internet comedy -- that is if you only compare it to this blog and those really sad big-eyed dog paintings.  So, stick around for that!

And with that, we have time to squeeze in one more Sexy Costume Fix, where this blog and my drunk snail level photo editing skills fix the season's sexy costumes.

Today's Costume

Sexy Skunk

It exists.  My photo editing skills aren't that good.

Normally I create some silly after image, but this time I think it's better to delve into PSA terroritory.  Really, don't get this costume.  Yes, you might think it makes you look cute and sexy, but the world is full of some very terrible people.

People who have no ideas of boundaries.
People who routinely make unwanted advances towards women, and never seem to be called on it or suffer any punishment.

I'm not attempting to blame the victim, but a skunk costume is just asking for it.  For example:

The great thing about this blog?  Every time I think I've hit peak stupid, I have another idea!

Halloween 2013: Sexy Costume Fix 5

You'd think with the kind of money they charge, the manufacturers of these costumes could be a bit more on-target for the year's scariest season -- but no -- it takes a low-budget thinks-hes-funny comedy blogger and his terrible photo editing skills to increase the scary factor.

You're welcome, you ingrates!

Today's Costume

Sexy Witch

Somebody is going to get a hell of a chaffing riding a broom with those panties.

Our sexy witch is doing OK with the sexy but poor with the scare, it seems less likely she's going to straddle a broom but more likely she'll be straddling a pole in Sir Ta-Tas Boobie Bar.  The only spell she's going to cast is opening up your wallet for it's ones and fives.

Still, how does our special halloween guest, Ozzy "Prince of Darkness" Osbourne feel about this?

Before you get to excited, remember that Ozzy also gives his thumbs up to downing an entire bottle of cough syryup.

Still, let's fix this.  It needs a bit more witch and bit less stripper.  I think the greatest of all horror artists, "Ghastly" Graham Ingels, can help us with this:

Much better!  Let's check back in with Ozzy and see what he thinks ...

Well, you can't win them all!

Halloween 2013: Sexy Costume Fix 4

Think of these September posts as the run-up to what will surely be one of the most fondly remembered 31-day, Halloween-based, internet comedy pieces ... or at least that's how I comfort myself when I'm coming down from the mellowcreme pumpkin high.

Great sites like Dinosaur Dracula and i-Mockery can do two months, so I feel that I can do it, too, or at least attempt a lame version of it.  It's better than my usual begging for comments!

Now, a return of one of last season's favorite bits [note: possible pumpkin high crash, bit my not be favorite of anybody] where I fix "sexy" Halloween costumes.

Today's Costume

Sexy Skeleton

Swiped from Fredericks of Hollywood

The problem?  Not that scary, and it doesn't really read "skeleton," it reads "sexy woman decided to paint room off-white in black lingerie."

This can definitely be improved.

I think a certain great, classic horror actor could fix this ...

Halloween III - 2012

What would happen if John Carpenter had written Halloween III in 2012, with it's modern sexy costumes?

Happy, Happy Halloween

Halloween

Halloween!

Happy, Happy Halloween

Silver Shamrock!

Sexy Halloween Costume Fail 3

It's as if there's nobody at all from costume shops reading this blog.  Hasn't anybody taken my advice?  I've given it freely and with all the hubris I can muster!  Isn't that enough for you people?

What's next?

Sexy Viking?  Sure, Vikings brought terror during throughout Europe, but it wasn't by forcing you to spend $258.95 on a costume that more resembles a well armed fur trader than a vicious Norseman.

What can we do to fix this?  To make it ... more Viking.

Give them both a Viking funeral and welcome them into the arms of the Valkyrie.*

* note: All norse mythology learned from Thor comics.

Sexy Halloween Costume Fail 2

Still, the internet fails us.  More sexy Halloween costume ads:

Frankly, they've got down the sexy but completely fail with the Halloween.  Halloween is scary!  This is about as scary as a buxom woman in a $95.95 tiger costume.

$95.95!?!?  OK, that is scary, they've got me there.

But not scary enough.

Let's correct that:

You're welcome, internet.  Anybody that leaves a "I've seen a few photoshops in my day ..." in the comments gets a visit from one of these lovely ladies.

Sexy Halloween Costume Fail

Again, the internet has let us down.  This ad ...

... is a complete failure at it's stated goals.  First off, the watermelon looks more like a kumquat involved in some deadly street altercation, the peacock looks like a sexy french maid had an unfortunate non-sexy variety accident in which the feather duster got jammed into her spinal column, and the banana looks less like a fruit and more like Wacky Taffy stuck to the engine block of a 76 Mercury Comet.

So, once again, it falls upon this blog to fix the internet, and give you a true sexy watermelon, sexy peacock, and sexy banana:

There, you're welcome, internet.