Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Halloween 2013: Lesser Halloween Candy Round-Up!

A staple of the 2 months of Halloween blogs is the Halloween Candy Round-Up.  I can't compete on content -- and while I have a killer pair of stems* -- which sadly doesn't come through on a blog very well -- I'm forced to stick to ground not covered by those other blogs.  Therefore, I'll deal exclusively with lesser Halloween candy.

* say in a 1920s gangster voice for full effect.

Halloween 2013 Lesser Candy Round-Up!


These healthy and delicious treats have that great natural flavor with barely the faintest hints of steel and shrieking pain.  A Halloween staple for many years, these candies impart their beautiful red color into your tongue in the form of many fine slivers of bleeding cheek flesh.

Popcorn Balls

Another staple of really, really cranky old people, popcorn balls are not only tasty but good for you -- well, as long as you happen to be TrapJaw.


Otherwise, it's best to chew gingerly or just hand it off to a cow that has magnets in its stomach.

Candy Corn

Made in the finest vats of secret government re-animation juice, candy corn is aged to perfection right along side the putrefaction of you army-regulation slime-man zombie.  Guaranteed not to convert you into a flesh craving dead thing; shamble into the nearest government office for a refund and complementary brain if not satisfied.

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