Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 31

Day 31

Happy Halloween to all my readers, all of whom I know by name.  There's Carl, the transient I pay $1 a day to read my blog on his imaginary iPad made up of a pizza box, and then there's Sandra, who is just all around imaginary.  She's also my girlfriend.  From Canada.  It's true, I swear.

How do we end this month of jerk skeletons, most of which were startlingly rape-y?  Skeletons with boney hands clutching and tearing at the clothes of buxom women?

Why, the only way we can:

With sweet, sweet revenge!

...

Happy Halloween, everybody!

See you next month when this blog returns to reviewing strange 60s nudie shorts and even stranger heavy metal videos, plus putting bad jokes into the mouths of cartoon characters nobody remembers.  You know, the same old crap.

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 30

Day 30

Stark, terrifying horrors lie behind the closed door!  Will you venture to meet the unknown?

No.

Well, that solves that problem!  I'm not opening that door!  The only thing that scares me are skeletons, but the door is locked so they can't get me.  Why, the only way anything bad could happen is, if, by some unlikely coincidence, it's a ghost skeleton.

What's are the chances of that?

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 29

Day 29

What's a nice skull-faced vision from hell like you doing in a place like this?

Yes, I do see the snake.  Oh, I see, you've already got a date.  Fine, I didn't like you anyway!  There are many other green, skull-faced women in the graveyard!  You'll see!  You'll see!

Hey there!

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 28

Day 28

Hmmm, so these jerk skeletons are having a hard time nailing this monster into his coffin.  I wonder why?  Let's plot the fall of the hammers:

Note to self: Do not hire skeletons to build a bookcase.

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 27

Day 27

This Fuller Brush salesman hasn't had a sell since 1924 and he's getting a bit desperate.

How does this all work, considering the universe we live in and not one whose basic building block is jello.  The skeleton's right arm would have to be connected at the elbow, and who, again, discounting a universe of pushy skeletons, shoves open the door with the hand opposite the door handle?

Oh, wait, I know, a world where the doors have no handles.

Ferrell Publishing, where no art went back for mark-ups, ever.

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 26

Day 26

"Save me, spooky font NIGHTMARE title!

I can be safe, if only I can reach The 7 WEIRD TALES of the MAN-MACABRE!

You know, maybe this isn't that bad, I mean, they are being very careful and tearing in only the right places so I'm not exposed, but, I wonder, was it really a wise idea to visit the cursed graveyard in my tissue dress?

And, frankly, the zombie on the right has really nice hair!"

Halloween 2013: Skeletons are Jerks: Day 25

Day 25

This skeleton is at a ritzy Vegas establishment that features strippers, and the devil back there is about to start the dance of the seven veils, and I'm going out to hopefully find enough cough syrup to blot that image out of my head.