Roughly Fashionable

Only a couple days left in 2013, and this blog is still a spewing sewer outlet of flimsy comedy concepts and overly smirky execution.  So, in that same vein, let's examine the fashion choices of flash-in-the-pan 80s LA glam metal band Rough Cutt.  The extra T is for trouble, right here in river city.

Our singer is dressed as Hassletoss, a little know Lord of the Rings character who was both a circus ring master and magician, and absolutely fabulous doing either.

The entire suit is made out of the same cellophane they wrap fancy candies with.  The flag sleeves are a nice touch in case he's ever stuck on a battleship and needs to semaphore.

One of our guitarist is dressed as a really fancy WWI German fighter ace, Count Ludwig VonDorkelstein.  He was famous for claiming to have shoot down a beagle on a flying dog house.

The guy behind him really needs to get that psoriasis looked at.

The following sentence will be the first time anybody has paid any attention to the bass player in a glam band.

He looks like Paul Revere on the day he ran out of clean shirts.  There, I'm done.

Our second guitarist beat the hell out of Joey from Blossom and stole his clothes, which were what Hollywood thought that kids in high school were wearing.

It fits nicely with the scruffy beaver he's got glued to the top of his head.

Fringe was on sale at the local TJ Max.

It's hard to see (the video quality was pretty bad) but he's got on golden military style lapels.  I guess this makes him a Captain in the glam drumming army.  While the marching beats are fun, the weekly STD testing knocks out a ton of qualified cadets.

It wouldn't be an 80s glam video without hot babes, and in this case, two of them and their bedazzled hats.  And while I appreciate Rough Cutt returning enough booze bottles to rent the limousine, is it really a good choice to dress your video vixens in shorts so tight it gives them the butt of a slightly sexy plank?

Happy New Year!  Next year I promise you, my reader, that I'm going to try even harder to have intelligent, thought-provoking and introspective more of the same crappy comedy!

Love: A Many Snark-ied Thing Part 8

Oh, the jokes, they write themselves.

"Men were my Toys!" ... and there was a sale on at the navy dock!  The ladies that let just about any guy hike up their pants around them -- especially the ones keeping ninja throwing stars in their jacket pocket and look like they've just downed an entire bottle of nyquil -- are the kind of women you want to stay away from.

How can you be sure that a women is this kind of hussy -- to stay away from, right?  We're clear on that, right?  It's easy, there's an obvious clue.  Any woman that matches her scarf, her earrings, and her bracelet with her phone is for sure easy.  If she's not talking on the phone, there's one other clue -- check to see if she glued centipedes to her eyes.

Rudolph has a Shiny Nose and a Big Mouth

"Rudolph has a Shiny Nose and a Big Mouth" is the premise.  You geniuses can follow the comedy from there.  Then you can get off my snowy lawn, you little bastards!  Happy Holidays!

The Parade's Second Anniversary

What is it that you get for your second anniversary?  Loose sand?  Corroded staples?  Not sure.

Over these two years and 295 posts I like to think I've gotten better at this comedy blog thing, but you can only judge your performance by the accolades of your fellow bloggers.  Let's see what they have to say:

Sadomasicist Nurse

blog: The Chalky Mistress

I was once hired by -- I find it hard to say -- "writer" of this blog.  He cried like a little baby, and those clips weren't even the ones I keep in the freezer.

That said, I can wholeheartedly recommend this blog for the exquisite pain it creates just from merely stumbling upon it while doing a google search for "monsters kill naked chicks."*

* This is true.  Scary.  But true!

ChimChim

blog: The Wondrous Smell of Burnt Fur

Site not banana.  Site no good.

Big Brain Wonder Woman

blog: Your Pathetic Small Brains Couldn't Hope to Match the Multitude of Clever

Names I Had for My Blog so Instead I Just Used This Descriptive Narration as

it Will Certainly be Easier for Someone of Your Reduced Mental Capacity to Parse

into Coherent Thoughts.  Thank You.

Greetings internet browsers.  Somebody from a low-rent and frankly below my notice blog has asked the most intelligent creature existing on this planet for a review of said comedic material.  It seems much comedy rests on the repeated nature of stilted-speech-run-on-sentences from an incredibly silly concept from a 70s Super Friends cartoon.  I do not find this humorous.

One hopes that the author of this pile of drol words on the world wide web will not discover the Super Friends episode where Dracula uses his before-hand unknown eye-beam power to turn Superman into a vampire.

Yes, there was, indeed, a worse concept than a hyper-evolved big brain Wonder Woman.  Now stop laughing at my head, the tiara still fits!

Robot Monster

blog: At What Point on the Graph do "Must" and "Cannot" Meet?

Like non-Ro-man ChimChim, Ro-man is also disturbed by distinct lack of bananas.  Ro-man is superior intellect from planet Ro-man, not sure why bananas so important.  Must request instructions from Ro-man command.

Received instructions: Can not recommend.  Ro-man command notes humor relies on pop-culture references from 50 years ago.  Even to Ro-man, who is not Hu-man, understands this bad idea.

Also: Lack of bananas appalling.

Grandma

blog: Who-hoo!  A Wolf!

Granda's still here, still wet, still wild, and still booty-poopin', though that pop might be my femur popping out of my hip-socket!  I'd recommend this blog but then I'd have to read it and Grandma just doesn't have the time!  There's surely some lonely wolf out there that needs some loving, some squeezing, and a free coupon for an erotic sponge bath!  I've already got the sponge and the plastic tub!

***

Again, as with last year, my thanks to the blogs out there that are run by my pals, especially Matt over at Dinosaur Dracula who -- and I'm sure he can't get enough of me saying this -- had a quitting spell that got me back into comedy blogging.

Of course, thanks to all the people that tune in and read the blog.  It's why I do it!

Here's to another year of crappy 60s nudie films and snarky comic covers!

Love: A Many Snark-ied Thing Part 7

Sure, Sarah Ann is thinking This is the life!  I've finally found the man of my dreams, with his manly pipe and, based on where the wheel is located, almost 7 foot yacht.  At least he makes up for it with the cool hat he stole off that old guy who smelled like a bunch of 19 year old women.

Of course, wait until she finds out the real reason she was invited aboard -- he lost the rubber bumpers on his yacht and needs ... substitutes.

Love: A Many Snark-ied Thing Part 6

Finally, a comic that instructs on the fundamental differences between the sexes!

So, the bombs are getting closer ... and closer ... and closer.

Boy reaction: Let's hump like frenzied raccoons before we are blown to bloody chunks!

Girl reaction: How about we get the living hell out of the drop zone?

Women.  Silly creatures, aren't they?

Love: A Many Snark-ied Thing Part 5

Bob, what's wrong?  Please tell me!

You know I was born without any peripheral vision or the ability to turn my head!  So please tell me! Are you mocking me?  You also know I can't turn my body around thanks to being born with stubby feet!

I knew this whole wedding was a mistake!  Mother told me never to marry a guy with a pencil-thin mustache!