Orgy of the Dead Part 4 - Mondopiece Theatre

What would the dark night of souls be without Ed Wood Jr and burlesque acts? A whole heck of a lot less confusing, that's for sure! Join us for the final part of our comedy look at Orgy of the Dead!

with Cinna Moan as the Black Ghoul
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMi1R0vxs2J6RFQp6CdHbQA

Orgy of the Dead Part 3 - Mondopiece Theatre

Part 3 of our Halloween special extensive look at Ed Wood Jr babble and hastily re-themed burlesque acts.  I'm pretty sure somebody asked for this exhaustive look.  If nobody did, well, then, I'm sorry!

with Cinna Moan as the Black Ghoul
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMi1R0vxs2J6RFQp6CdHbQA

Orgy of the Dead Part 2 - Mondopiece Theatre

The 2018 Halloween Celebration at Monodpiece Theatre continues with Part 2 of our look at Ed Wood's word soup and questionable burlesque masterpiece Orgy of the Dead!

with Cinna Moan as the Black Ghoul
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMi1R0vxs2J6RFQp6CdHbQA

Orgy of the Dead Part 1 - Mondopiece Theatre

The 2018 Halloween Celebration at Monodpiece Theatre starts here! A drunk Criswell! Ed Wood Jr dialog! Embarrassed burlesque acts, and our special guest star: Horror Hostess the Black Ghoul!

with Cinna Moan as the Black Ghoul
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMi1R0vxs2J6RFQp6CdHbQA

Stripping through the Graveyard: The Orgy of the Dead Mega Review, Part 10

What is this?  Read this: Simon Bar "Cinema": Orgy of the Dead

10: The Fluff Dance

Black Ghoul Introduction

All others were but infinitesimal bits of fluff, compared to her!  This one would have died for feathers, fur, and fluff ... and so she did!

Ed Wood Crazy Talk Grade: B-

Sexiness

There's no monster theme here, it basically a standard 60s burlesque routine.  That said, the stage hand Werewolf and key grip Mummy really seem to be enjoying themselves!  They can barely hold each other back, and Criswell seems pretty smirky about the whole thing.  I'm beginning to think the Emperor of the Night might be a pervert.

During parts of this dance, the dancer (Rene De Beau, they were bad at stripper names in the 60s) seems to be really, really concentrating.  What is she thinking of?

• Did I twirl four times?  I can't kick if I haven't twirled at least four times!
• There'd better be donuts at the craft table!
• There'd better actually be a craft table!
• That's a really pretty sweater on Ed!
• Will Criswell share his booze?

Grace

Not bad, she's got a good set of moves, and can look good next to a ridiculous Werewolf and Mummy.  That's talent!

Closeness to Theme

She would have died for feathers, fur, and fluff, but she dances in remnants, scraps, and something Ed found in his closet.  Bonus points for having the least noticeable wig, and eye shadow that matches the panties!

Music

Toss in the 77 Sunset Strip Theme, a high school band playing their school fight song, and a radio tuned to static into a high speed blender and set to "blend" for 5 minutes, "liquify" for 4, and finally "suck" forever.

Length of Act

Almost 7 and a half minutes of constantly wondering if fries come with that.

The Wrap Up

This dance chews up all the rest of the time, and both Criswell and the Black Ghoul dissolve into skeletons mid-victim-kill.  The Werewolf dies in a strange tick bath incident, and the mummy is pulped and recycled into cheese cracker packaging.

No, not really, they turn into skeletons also.  The skull from the Mexican dance can also be seen lying around, making four bodies and five skulls.  Along with telling the time, math doesn't seem to be a high point amongst the land of the night.

I told you it was a wig!

Honestly, though, turning into a skeleton isn't such a bad fate in a secret world of darkness where being a skeleton gives you a leg up on picking up strippers!

Rest well, Ed Wood Jr.  You entertained us more than you could have ever imagined.

Stripping through the Graveyard: The Orgy of the Dead Mega Review, Part 9

What is this?  Read this: Simon Bar "Cinema": Orgy of the Dead

09: The Zombie Dance

Black Ghoul Introduction

She lived as a zombie in life, so she will remain forever a zombie in death!

Ed Wood Crazy Talk Grade: No, nothing going.  No grade.

Look, screw you Wood!  You've used "She X in life, now she X in death" way too much to even consider giving you a grade.  Do I sound bitter?  Well, you're damn right I'm bitter!

Let's try to improve this:

She wandered through life shunning all, never feeling nor cared to have others feel for her, never reaching out for the touch of another!  She lived as the dead rests, and forever more shall she spend eternity stripping in a leaf-covered plywood graveyard!

There, 2 seconds and I came up with something better!

Sexiness

This one is bizarre.  There's no other way to describe it.  The music has another abrupt shift, and the dancing is, well, zombie moves.  There's the shuffle, the strange curtsey, and the lateral circle strafe -- but mostly zombies moves -- hands up, slowly walking around.

I always felt boobs could make anything better, but here is the unmitigated proof that it is just not true.

That said, this woman has a huge stack of hair, so that earns her an extra point, and Criswell gives the best look in this whole film:

Heh heh, naked lady!

Grace

Not applicable!

Closeness to Theme

She starts out in a cute yellow dress -- not very zombie-ish -- but frankly I don't think most people would want a real zombie stripper.

(Shyly checks video collection for Return of the Living Dead.)

Music

More sub-Night on Bald Mountain as filtered through Emmet Otter's Jug Band.  As before, there is the sudden appearance of the less spooky but more kooky piece Xylophone Falling Down the Stairs.

Length of Act

About 4 and a half minutes of boobs and remaining a zombie forever in death.

Stripping through the Graveyard: The Orgy of the Dead Mega Review, Part 8

What is this?  Read this: Simon Bar "Cinema": Orgy of the Dead

08: The Skeleton Dance

Black Ghoul Introduction

The wolf man informs me that the next one is the woman who murdered her husband on their wedding night.  Now she dances with his skeleton!

(How did the wolf man do this, by the way?  He doesn't speak!  To Ed, "continuity" probably only sounded like a cool world to use for a sci-fi picture title.)

Ed Wood Crazy Talk Grade: D
Skeleton Scores with a Stripper Count: 2

Sexiness

Check this list for things you might find sexy:

• Two mounds of Jello on the hood of a truck driving down a dirt road
• The blob meets another blob, they wrestle
• Two naked and fat cats tumbling in a dryer

If you answered yes to any of these, then this is the stripper of the night.  Her entire act revolves around finding different ways to make her boobs shake violently.  Mimic swimming?  Works!  Signaling where the plane can land?  Great!  Epileptic seizure?  Jiggly!

If anybody wants to know what go-go dancing looked like, and how it could be made very, very silly, here's something to tie them up, Clockwork Orange style, and make them watch.  They will thank you for it by cursing you and all your descendants.

Grace

There's none.  It's the most binary, mechanical dance of the night.  Go watch a video of how pistons work in a car if you are curious!

Closeness to Theme

A plain white dress that looks nothing like a wedding dress and a veil.  The veil stays, the wedding dress disappears, much like a regular wedding night sans the skeleton, Crepe-Hair Werewolf™, Icky ICU Mummy™, Criswell's drunk smile, and the Black Ghoul's boobs.

Kind of like a wedding in Vegas.

Music

Starts out by what sounds mysteriously like the modern "bride" music in the Haunted Mansion, and then segues* into Laugh-In style go-go music.

* Segue means "abruptly stops and suddenly starts", right?

The staring piece and the Haunted Mansion piece are pretty cliche, so it's doubtful there's a connection, but it just entertains me to think there might be, as the Disney story is also that the bride is a black window.  Bring that up with a host next time you are at DisneyLand, they will appreciate your bit of historical guess work from a low-budget blog.  Trust me, they are paid to be interested!

Length of Act

5 minutes.  The music wraps up, Criswell nods his head, the skeleton gets another kiss (skeleton's have all the luck), then ... another minute!  A strip act with a false ending!  Was this movie edited by somebody with blackouts and memory lapses, or just Ed Wood?

Stripping through the Graveyard: The Orgy of the Dead Mega Review, Part 7

What is this?  Read this: Simon Bar "Cinema": Orgy of the Dead

07: The Hawaiian Dance

Black Ghoul Introduction

Black Ghoul: With the loss of her lover, this one cast herself into the volcano's fire!

The Black Ghoul positively spits out "this one", but why?  The stripper got a bigger trailer on the set (trailers?  Ed Wood movie?  Ha!)  Wood lifted both their sweaters and blamed the other?  Fight over a wig?

Later on, after flashing some stock footage of a rattler, suddenly, the entire dance is a different theme!  Criswell plays along, but I have some concerns (in red):

Criswell: She was?
I listened to this over and over, it makes no sense, but it seems to be what Criswell has to say.  Did Wood fall over drunk and smash a cue card?
Black Ghoul: As I said, a worshipper of snakes, of smoke, and flames!
What?  No you didn't!  Don't lie to me, evil minion of the dark!
Criswell: Oh yes, a religion of sorts!
Black Ghoul: It would seem so, master!
Yes, that's the definition of the word "worshipper."  Yeesh!

(later)

Criswell: She pleases me, permit her to live in the world of snakes!
Golly, thanks, Criswell.  I'm sure she'll appreciate that more than burning to death in lava!

Ed Wood Crazy Talk Grade: A-

Sexiness

This woman's name is Mickey Jines and she's probably the best dancer of the bunch, and well know in the vintage erotica.  For one of the damned, especially one that was burned alive in a volcano, she's all smiles.  I guess nobody asked for their motivation before rolling the cameras!

She's so pretty she makes the mummy crackle on and on about snakes.  I'd give Ed credit here for the possible double entendre, but I'll take it right away for making the werewolf some kind of mute growling idiot who responds to everything as if he's having a problem passing a kidney stone.

I'm sorry, she's very beautiful but I just can't get over that crappy mummy/werewolf comedy team!  I just want to punch them!  I apologize, Mickey, but you've been upstaged by crap.  Welcome to the world of Ed Wood!

Grace

She's got the moves.  She can transfer gracefully from Ed Wood screaming "Do a Hawaiian dance" to "Now you're a snake!  Ssss!  Ssss!  Be the snake!!!"

Closeness to Theme

I could point out that the original costume looks more African than Hawaiian, and the flower in the hair wig and the fluffy bands kind of work, but it's all for naught as everything is just thrown out when the magic of stock footage abruptly changes the theme!

Music

Same old clacky piano, sleazy muted trumpet, twangy guitar, and a drum line that seems to come from the Moody Blue's cover band, "Slightly Depressed Mauve."

Length of Act

7 solid minutes of entertainment, rudely interrupted by stock footage, a mummy/werewolf comedy act that came in strong on the head banging and skimped on the comedy, and Criswell giving us some kind mini lecture about world religions.

Stripping through the Graveyard: The Orgy of the Dead Mega Review, Part 6

What is this?  Read this: Simon Bar "Cinema": Orgy of the Dead

06: The Mexican Dance

Black Ghoul and Criswell Introduction

Criswell: And what is this? (holds up a skull)
Black Ghoul: A symbol, master.
Criswell: What kind of symbol?
Black Ghoul: She loved the bull ring and the matador, she danced to their destruction, now she dances to her own destruction!  Her dance is off skulls!

Then the Black Ghoul tosses the skull onto the dirty plywood scary cemetery grounds, in what has to be the most wussified throw ever made by a member of the dark underworld.

Uhn!  Did it make it the two feet to the graveyard?  I was aiming for the mummy!

Ed Wood Crazy Talk Grade: C-
Evil Athletic Ability: F, must attend evil forces training camp
Generalization of Entire Culture: A+

Sexiness

We can only gauge by the reactions.  The victims still aren't sure if they should be mildly concerned by the going ons, or if they should be kind of, maybe, frightened.

Criswell seems to be thinking about what to have for lunch.

The Black Ghoul seems like she's trying to remember how to breath.

Horse-hair Werewolf™ and Laundry-Remnant Mummy™ are being all buddy buddy.  I kid you not, it's very, very far from what is expect of creatures of the night.  Were strippers the long sought after dual purpose monster weapon?  Does it work on both Werewolves and Mummies, or only stage hands in really cheap costumes?

There's a great moment where Criswell leans in as if to tell the Black Ghoul something and ... nada.  Ed Wood didn't direct, he's not to blame this time!

Grace

It was ingenious to use the skull as a substitute for a sombrero, allowing the woman could pull off a grade school hat dance learned by mimicking the moves from an Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Did I say ingenious?  That might have been the wrong word.  Horrible stain on the very fabric of history?  I think that's what I meant!

Closeness to Theme

It's a good costume, for sure.  Everything else in this dance was pretty awful but if you can't find a gaudy faux-Mexican dress in LA, you're not looking hard enough.

Music

Castanets and piano.  Like most of the music in this fright fest of flesh, it's eventually rudely interrupted by either the sound of a blaring trumpet or a loose wire on the horn of an old Chevy Cutlass.

Length of Act

3 minutes of skull kissing, skull stroking, and skull cavorting.  Skeletons and/or skulls are a bunch of lucky bastards in the world of Ed Wood!