Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Mountains of Mammaries: House on Bare Mountain, Part 6

Start here if new to this series: Part 1

Where did we leave off?  As I remember, there was a dodgy werewolf, a human meatloaf in a dress, and more naked chicks than you could shake a stick at.  Hey, you in the back, sit down, it's just an expression.

This next sequence takes place at a very boozy party.  Here we finally meet the rest of our monster cast, and it was certainly worth the wait, mostly because the movie is only about 60 minutes long and we only had to wait 45 boob-filled minutes.

Let's meet our party goers:

Dime Store Frankenstein Monster

Sadly, he only realized he was being tea-bagged by a balloon monster after seeing this picture.

Yes, here he is, in all his rubber glory, our Frankenstein Monster.  This is actually from Dr. Frankenstein's later period, where he thought a generous overbite would help warm up the villagers to his newest creation.

Sadly, it was a village of orthodontists.  He tragically died from a million small water-pick wounds.

Surprised Caveman Dracula

Vat?  Vat is that?

Our pasty Dracula and his multicolored lips are a sure hit at any party, especially entertaining as he is constantly surprised by finger foods and plastic cups.

I missed the unibrow section of vampire lore, and I should know, I did a report on vampires in high school.  Nobody's surprised.  Except Dracula!

Slightly Sentient Slime Mold

Miss Claus got into Rudolph's hooch.

Granny Good look like a hobo infected with hundreds of internal monster ticks.  Under that 1960s Santa Collection is a tight ball gown.  I'd put up a picture but my Mac refused to screenshot for some reason.  It even threatened to reformat my hard drive.

I think it's for the best, but I can describe it.  Think about trying to force 250 pounds of rotting whale meat through a size 6 nylon stocking.  In summer.  When it's 109 degrees outside.

Racially Insensitive Texas/Sheriff/Mexican/Stage Hand

El Douche, Gringo.

Of course, it's not the 1960 without some offense character wandering into a scene.  Not sure where they were going with this ... did somebody think a drunk Mexican was too much?  And then made him half-sherrif/half-Texas type of dude?  Or was this the original plan and that's what costuming they had?

It's nice to see Carrot Top made the party.

They really went all out on the decorations for this thing.  At least nine balloons, a couple of streamers, and a fancy chandelier they got out of a gum ball machine.

Automated Staircase Bounce-a-matic Flesh Slinky

Hair Bear gets the day off, it's pre-censored!

I've thrown Jello down a laundry chute with less bounce!

Krakov smells the hot dog used to wrap up that hair.

So, back to what passes for a plot in these there hills.

Krakov has discovered our spy and fallen in love with the giant wad on hair that graces her head.  What will become of our spy?  Will the cops make it in time?  Can Krakov find love if their shampoos are incompatible?  Will there be more boobs?

Yes, Yes, No, No, Maybe, Could Be, Seems Positive, Try Again Later.

Next, the stunning conclusion, Part 7!

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