Of all the posts on this blog, there is finally a post that speaks to me, to my problems, to my needs, to everything Fruit Brute and absolutely nothing to he-who-should-not-be-named -- but who's name sounds like "Count Crap" and who's initials are Go Die In A Fire.
I can't wait to see what wholesome, slightly lime-flavored werewolf-cereal themes are featured in this short!
The very nice Mr. Rogers Vampire.
Damn it all. I should have known with this blog.
It'll certainly be the werewolf!
The bells, the ... no, wait ... the bongos, the bongos!
%!^!&#!@ hunchback. A hunchback. The music has bongos in it, but that's not enough. You can't make up for lack of werewolf with a wood shop coffin, a 3rd grade art -- after milk and cookies -- scenery project, and a hunchback who's makeup seems to consist entirely of mashed potatoes.
It's got to be the werewolf next. I can't possible be disappointed with something so absolutely silly it barely registers as an object existing in reality.
Can I?
BWA HA HA HA HAHAHHAAAAAA!
The vampire's bride: the only vampire in more danger from her fangs then her victims. She's good for two things; making the little holes in belts and for proving, in a court of law, that her vampire husband is not very picky.
After all this, I'm sure the werewolf will be a let down.
I honestly hope that's drool.
Or not!
Look at that drooling, snarling piece of work. Now that's a werewolf! A pretty risqué one as his first act is to immediately kidnap and carry away the vampire's bride.
The vampire doesn't stop him. It's understandable.
Why, I do believe I'm perplexed by all the strange goings on!
Watching the whole proceedings is this lovely lady with a hair style crafted onto a single 2D plane, probably held in place by Crisco and hopefully not werewolf spit. She sits mutely throughout the short, staring straight ahead, clutching her purse. Is this evil castle of mild vampires and rug remnant werewolves also home to purse snatchers?
Or does she think the hunchback is expecting a tip?
There's some strange voice over in this short that makes me wonder if it's part of some other uncompleted movie. Imagine, an entire movie dedicated to goofy vampire wives, werewolves, and bongos. It will always just be a dream.
Note to self: Don't start the dancing before the paint on the set is dry.
The werewolf get to pawing our vampire bride, being careful not to scrap up against the two inch whale bones she calls fangs as the werewolf's tetanus shots aren't up to date.
Throughout this 30 second ... mauling ... of the most ludicrous type ... the woman can hardly stop from laughing. She tries hard, though, because if she opens her mouth too wide she'll choke on those fangs.
I must have skipped the dancing chapter on werewolf lore.
The rest of this short is a lot of pathetic go-go dancing. I should point out one interesting thing: in all these 60s nudie cutie films, this is the first African-American woman I've seen, and, *sigh*, she doing a jungle dance. She does a great job, but the women behind her are just swaying back and forth as if they are slightly sexy weebles who wobble for werewolves.
They are so terrible it got to the point where awarded best back-up dancer to the werewolf.
After about 3 minutes in, the most appealing thing in this scene became the noose.
***
A quick note: All this fun comes from Something Weird Video, as well as a good bit of information. If you'd like to see any of this stuff, or other crazy exploitation films, it's all downloadable and cheap. Give them some business!
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