If new to this series, start here.
We offer our paisley in two exciting colors, "blood" and "windex."
That's nearly an area rug.
I've had dogs with less hair on their backs. We've veered dangerous close to freak-show wolf boy territory here. So our jealous crew member (ha, sorry) from the last segment now proves his manhood by bedding the object of his affection.
Of course, he could have skipped the non-sex sex scene and just proved his manhood by taking a weedwacker to that thatch hut he's got growing on his back.
Iiiieiiieiiieieeeee .... will always love yoooooooouuuuuuu!
Watching the proceedings is our sexy captain. Rank for Terrian woman is based on the amount of eye shadow they can heap on their creaking eyelids.
As captain, she demands that she gets dibs, kind of like old time pirates and rum, but with less peg legs and more pegging (sorry, again.)
Our advanced spaceship has the same controls as the Intellivision.
Our spy uses this time to familiarize himself with the controls so that he may sabotage the ship later. From left to right, it's volume, treble, bass, toggle for the 8-track, and the disco intensifier.
The disco intensifier is useful as our hero is dressed to hit the dance floor of Studio 54, and our shlub is dressed to clean up the coke residue on the toilet rims.
Is this being shot from the inside of Jeannie's lamp?
Our captain takes her dibs and you get a scene that just a few years earlier wouldn't have shown up on any film -- a lesbian scene. It's amazing that this one shows up on film, you'd expect the pastel primary colors to clash so badly with the paisley that the entire scene would be sucked into a black hole.
I'd really like to meet the set designer. Who thought "this isn't enough, it's missing something" and then came up with a bright orange tiger-stripe pillow? As I said, I'd like to meet the set designer, but probably just to punch them.
The most interesting and least interesting man in the world.
Evil Captain Kirk Lite and Tubby McPJs get to watch the action on a monitor that we are supposed to pretend exists. The entire scene is lit with a green light, probably because it forces pubic lice to flee into the fat folds on our hunky lead.
Will our hero manage to sabotage the ship? Will he be forced to participate in the sick sex rituals of the Terrians? Will the gold lamé cause a rash? Sadly, probably all three in our next installment!