Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A Fling with Space Thing, Part 6

If new to this series, start here.

You're still here?  What, you think this movie is going to improve?  There's probably something better you could be doing, like sort playing cards or grains of sand.

Don't drink and drive, and especially don't drink angry.

Our space captain is getting annoyed that all the women are having sex with other men and not with her.  She's every religious blow-hard's idea of what lesbians are, minus the clothes those blow-hards assume she stole off the dead (male) lumberjack after killing him -- obviously in a fit of gay rage -- over the way he gripped his hard and stout ax handle.

Damn it, people, don't you see the danger?  This kind of behavior is tearing the very fabric of our crappy cardboard spaceship nudie film apart!

Planet popcorn, dead ahead!

The ship needs to land to complete necessary repairs after the plot device sabotage.  I want you to compare this port view of the planet with the actual landscape of the planet below.  You'll notice a alarming lack of:
  • red
  • aquarium rocks
  • guy in charge of continuity
I know that DeSoto hubcap is around here somewhere ...

Our poor, flabby comedy relief is sent out to check if the surface is compatible with life and also compatible with shooting some really boring soft-core scenes.

I don't care if you're movie was from a major studio and had a big budget or just a bit of schlock designed to make a quick buck on the grind house circuit, forced perspective never, ever worked.  Especially when you work on Space Thing and don't care enough to focus the camera.

.... and don't let that ladder get away!

Sister bossy-pants (er, bossy bikini) captain lady gets the crew off the ship, and our cliche movie heel gets so mad his face becoming the same shade as the tanned blonde lady.  It's quite a feat as he's doing it emotionally and she did it at 450 in the bottom rack of an oven for 2 hours.

I'm glad they are laying down a blanket, don't want the planet to get a STD.

This planet is perfect for the necessary repairs, so they get right to the sex.  I do have to give the costuming department (blind hobo in a dumpster) some credit, there are quite a few ludicrously impractical costumes in this one, which is a staple of space movies.

... and they only had to pay him in those little cigars on toothpicks!

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