Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The K-Tel No-Tell, Part 1

For some odd reason, potentially from a really bad deviled egg I ate last night, I briefly flashed back to the early 70s and my mom's 20 Top Hits record.  This record contained both "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" and "Ring of Fire" on it.  Now, I know you are thinking "Well, that's a strange juxtaposition of songs" but really, it's not.  After you hear "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" you want to sit in a ring of fire in hopes that your agonizing death will erase the memory of that song.

Trying to figure out the actual name of the album, I searched the K-Tel site.  While I'm no longer sure it was a K-Tel release, what I found while looking through the K-Tel site was that it used a lot of sexy covers to try to sell crappy music to people.  That sound's right up this blog's alley, so without further ado, here's some sexy K-Tel covers!

Hey, a sexy, half naked woman is smiling at me and motioning me over!  I can't believe my luck!  This day is the best day .... what?  What did you say?  You want to make sweet love to me?  Oh My God!  I can't believe this.  This day is just awesome!  Wait, what, you want to do whatever I want you to do?  I ... I am so happy.  This is incredible!

And, you want to make love to ... a Billy Joel song.

Uh, well, I mean, thanks, but I've got to wash the dog.  Or something.

Ran out of jingling keys to distract toddlers with?  No problem: Use the shiniest album cover ever!  Guaranteed to distract toddlers, but don't use near a major freeway or the reflections could blind drivers.

Damn it, Sherri, if we are going to live in the jungle you can't keep stealing the thatched roof for your crop-top!

You can see some ad executive just going nuts over this.  "It's not tropical enough!"  "You've got the flower, right?  The lei?  What about the cliché tropical drink?  The bikini?  Damn it, man, it's still not enough!"

"Wait, I know, how about Siegfried and Roy next to her crotch?  Yeah, that does it!  Perfect!"

Couldn't find yellow short-shorts in 1972 because of the great run on neon-yellow hot pants?  Now you know the reason why!

No comments: