Thursday, August 8, 2013

It's Supposed to be Sexy, Right? The Eerie Women, Part 5

If new to this series, start here.

One more batch of these great Eerie covers, which I think is good for all involved.

Honestly, you'd think a hot brunette vampire dancing with a goopy-faced reaper would have made a better choice in shoes.  What are those?  Slip on fuzzy slippers with, what, a 2 inch heel?  Tsk, tsk.

Well, the make-up's nice.

Mossy, high-eared were-frankenstein really wants to cut in.

Another over-dressed vampire and another badly-drawn werewolf are fighting over another attractive woman who's dress seems to be held up by her nipples alone.

I'm beginning to sense a pattern, but they are switching it up a bit here with a werewolf that is the dictionary definition of "moon faced."  I like how carefully he is stalking around the miniature cardboard tombstones.  It's a damn painting and he's still worried about knocking them over!

Crime shows always tell you that choking is the best way to kill somebody where you won't leave blood evidence.  Ha, screw you crime shows!  This picture is absolute evidence that choking somebody is like squeezing a bag full of red paint!

Joe Bob Briggs really hates Frankenstein's monster, but not enough to light his torch.  Joe Bob brought a bald guy, green-suited business man, and his grandma along for some reason.

Frankenstein's monster is reacting as any of us would when we went to all the trouble to find a victim, bring her home, and realize we already had one!  Another wasted trip!

More villagers with ties.  It's corporate Dracula, terror of the boardroom.

"From the Pit of Darkness Came the Horror Without a Head!"  Why can't headless horrors ever come from some place not dark?  Like a nice bungalow on the beach somewhere?  A quaint cottage up in the mountains?  No, not good enough for headless horrors.  Must be a bloody cave or a dank basement or the ball pit at your local kid's pizza place.

Headless horrors are snobs.

Not actually a horror magazine, the monster's from HR and is telling the woman that casual Friday does not really mean "bra's out" is OK.

Now, his nice fake gold wrestlemania belt?  That's always in!

I've always heard that right breasts are slightly larger than left ones.  So did, evidently, this artist.

And here it is.  The grand pooba or Eerie Pubs covers.

"Look, ma'am, neither of us are happy.  The werewolf just cackles and rubs his hands together like a mad scientist and I'm stuck turning this crank, and with my back -- well, I'm sure you noticed.  You don't like being ground up and I don't like getting paid minimum wage to do the grinding.  So let's all pitch in here and please pulls in the arms.  We'd all like to get this over with."

I think there's a number of health food violations going on here.  Did they wash the breasts first?  Is that really a hump or is our stitched-up hunchback sneaking out a fresh ham?  Should there be drool cups?  That foot in the bin really looks past it due date and I'm pretty sure my hamburger is going to end up being full of 1850s Southern Bell hair.

I sure hope she doesn't have the vapors.

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