Friday, August 23, 2013

Van Patten, Dick: The Secret Dream Models of Oliver Nibble, Part 2

If new to this series, start here.

More Dick Van Patten, now in color, so you not only know how puffy his face is, but also how beet red it is too.  It's a win-win situation if you want to scare away small children and nervous dogs.

The last thing most kidnap victims see.

While watching the film in the last segment, Oliver imagines that he's a photographer and he's taking wild photos of the lovely chicks he saw on the street.  The film's transition to color contains part of the film spool with markings on it, a sure sign that the editor just didn't care one wit ...

... though not cutting out close-ups of Van Patten mugging should have already clued you into that.

This short isn't doing it's intended job when the tightest ass is on Dick Van Patten.

The invisible rope acting exercise was always one of my favorites.

Mr. Van Patten, let's leave the tight pants to the ladies, OK?

The sexy version of Charlie Brown's shirt.

Now we know for sure this is a fantasy.  Logical reasons:
  • Kissing Dick Van Patten instead of filing a restraining order.
  • Blonde wearing clothes made with yellow color not seen in this universe.
  • Dick isn't wearing shoes.
OK, that last one not necessarily a reason, I just wanted to point it out.  Why?  To keep the floor clean?  I'd think if that was the case, you'd want to keep as many layers of material between the floor and Dick Van Patten as possible.

That's a relatively unsecured cage.

Vive la France!

From the look of those curtains, I'm beginning to think ever color in the 60s was mandated, by law, to be either washed out or so colorful it could be best described as "zany."  What are these pastel nightmares?  Was there a fabric sale at the local sewing store: "1/2 off everything on the ghastly rack."

The burlesque version of "Stop in the Name of Love" was a big hit!

If only she was motioning to the camera man to stop filming.

Our dancers clothes begin to mysteriously disappear and Oliver's breathing becomes more labored and the puns spilling out of his gapping maw come faster and faster and I'm beginning to wonder if it's too late for me to shut this whole website down and go home.

Wait, I'm already home.  Damn.  I'm watching this at my home, on my own time.  Well, that's not good!

Even stripper's love ring pops!

Finally we get down to brass tacks, or faux gold chains and $1.59 in relatively poor quality faux velvet ropes.  Being the 60s, though, nothing on the stripper is faux.

That said, this woman is actually a pretty good go-go dancer, and she's got some relatively amazing moves, but she also has to be pawed by a sweaty faced Dick Van Patten, so, all in all, a whole hell of a lot more bad than good.

Too bad we've got two more models to go.  I hope they weren't paying Van Patten for this!

More of this, part 3!

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