Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A Bevy of Bo-ob-s: Boin-n-g, Part 3

If new to this series, start here.

This next section features a jaunty musical score played on a calliope powered by the dying screams of hell-bound lost souls and recorded inside a cement mixer.  Used as a form of torture in various alien dimensions, the song, titled "The Many Tentacled Dark One Comes to Suck Your Marrow and He's in a Festive Circus Mood," is a perfect fit for this movie.

The original pilot for the A-Team tested very poorly.

Our two numb-nuts are finally getting around to shooting their movie.  They need to sit down as they are very tired from fighting in the contest to see who's dressed the most embarrassing.  Baggy shorts and black socks guy is pretty confident, but the other guy does have an extremely stupid hat.

"I thought we agreed that I was wearing the yellow pants today!"

Wait ... hold on.  I'm not sure what I'm seeing here.  Let's take a closer look.

Is this humanly possible?  I mean, I see it, on the screen, and this is long before CGI.  How does this even work?  Is it held in there by friction?  Is it some kind of talented use of gaffer's tape and spirit gum?  Are industrial processes used here?  An early form of vacuum molding?  The mind boggles!

It's a bad sign when the directory is that un-observant.

Our movie takes place at a regal estate full of sandstone buildings, beautiful flowers and landscaping, and chiggers the size of overweight cats.  Everybody take off your clothes!  We're going to poke the chiggers with sticks to see what happens!

He's having trouble counting up to the number of boobs.

I just noticed that the guy's shirt matches the women's panties.  I'd say we should give the designer a chocolate chip cookie but you're not supposed to feed chocolate to dogs, especially one suicidal enough to work on this movie.

This is the hot chick from the office yesterday, and she "always gives men what they pay for."  On the payment form, is there a line item for chlamydia?

Just because "pantaloons" sounds like "panties" doesn't mean they are sexy.

So our movie gets under way, and it seems to be a sexy Quincy cosplay.

"Oh Quincy, how about you examine this body!"
"Doll, I can't wait to examine a more ... lively subject!"

Script writes itself.  Call me Hollywood.  I think 50% of domestic profit for Quincy: ME (Mammary Examiner) and 75% international is fair.

Is there really a hot lady corral?

Here they are trying to film the opening titles with comedy action in a beautiful field, all set to migraine inducing flute music.  It's just like my summer camp experience, but with 100% less boobs and 30% more swirlies.

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