Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 6

Day 6

Get ready for the strange and unbelievable, not in spooks, but in architecture!

Hey, lady, I don't see why you're the scared one, have you seen that haircut?  Did you get held hostage in a rollerskating rink and they forced that hair cut on you?  Did two giant caterpillars roll up for the winter in your hair?  That skeleton should be running for the hills, not you, just in case that style is catching!

Take a good look at that door.  While I appreciate the home owner's extreme style (extreme hair, extreme purple bricks) I don't appreciate her insistence that part of the door be in the four dimension. First off, it's too small for her to fit herself and those enormous buns through (hair, I mean, I think) and the door seems to float about 6 inches outside the frame, only held up by some otherworldly inky black substance.

Oh, and the skeleton's hat doesn't fit.

I'm saying this was probably drawn by an otter.

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 5

Day 5

I'm ready for the deluge of google searches this one is going to bring me!

Oh lordy, I have the vapors!

"On the hot ... Vampirella and Dracula encounter ... giant slug."  Are they even trying anymore?  They just needed to add "veined" and possibly "swollen" to wrap that one up!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 4

Day 4

They went all out on the title "Baron Weirwulf's Haunted Library," reducing it from the original title "Baron Weirwulf's Heirted Libulfy."

Does "NYYAAHHRR!!" count as a peep?

Lady, he said "one peep out of you and you're dead", and you gargle that yell?  That collection of letters the artist thought might have sounded like a scream but is actually the noise a model airplane motor makes after being soaked in oatmeal?

Then you follow it up with "D-Don't hurt m-me, please!"  Can't you follow simple directions?  Is that why you mistook the purple spray paint for hair spray this morning?  And why you thought, "hey, let's just spray everything down with it."

You deserve to get jumped by a skull faced monster in a nice red polo sweater.  Probably named Biff. Biff the skull-faced thug.  Another good band name!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 3

Day 3

Day 3: dental work and clothes needed.

Scene in the offices of Warren Publishing, December, 1980:

Editor: On this cover, I need sex and death!

Artist: Oh, you mean like a metaphor?

Editor: What's a metaphor?  No you dope, a big skull and a babe!

Thus an angry artist spends way too much time on feet and not enough on the come hither stare of either the skull or the woman.  That'll teach that editor!  What dumb assignment does he have for me next?  Bruce Bloodletter?!?  Agh!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 2

Day 2

Skulls count as skeletons, right?  I'd better hope so, because that's all I got on some of these!

Hey, mister floating skull guy.  Here's an idea, use your awesome floating skull powers to help the woman get out of the web, instead of staring straight at her butt with that cocky grin.

Other things you might consider using your hellish powers for?  Berating the artist for not getting a book and seeing what spiders actually look like.  Another use?  Infect the copy writer with boils for using the word "yarns."  Also, some kind of painful end for the pervert that wrote "body arched...as she felt the...slimy...monster slide out."

Your Final Answer, Episode 5

This week's question is actually pretty gross, and boy does the Reaper get side-tracked, but if you stick around until the end, you get to see a hot redhead in lingerie!  No a trick!  It's real!  Certainly this is no elaborate prank!

Your Final Answer [Episode 5]

Please help support my little dog n' pony n' reaper comedy show.  Share it with your friends, like it, and leave a comment with future questions for the reaper!

Halloween 2014: Skeletons are Jerks, Day 1

Day 1

Welcome to 31 days of Skeletons being Jerks!  It's year 2 for this, and I'm scraping the bottom of the horror comic skeleton covers, so get ready for many days when I misconstrue other monsters as skeletons to bulk this feature up.  You can still expect the same level of snark, though!

I hardly think you can say you searched everywhere when one of the areas you neglected to search only required you to turn your head.

Most people would think the skeletons are about to do something a little worse than jerky, and most people would probably also go "why did the artist draw in a giant bug for no reason?"  But, in fact, the skeletons merely want to point out that her hair style went out of fashion in 1627.

Glenn Danzig poking out from the center of the image is especially impressed with all the skulls on this cover.  He might just have to write a song ...