Saturday, May 12, 2012

Ariel Gives More Unwelcome Advice

Hello all you less attractive ladies!

Ariel here with some more relationship advice for the all you unwanted non-princesses out there.

First off, aim lower.  Are you a princess?  Did you star in two seasons of a Saturday morning cartoon?  Does your frilly under-things smell like barbarian sweat?  Of course not.  I have magic powers.  You have 2.5 kids and a TV that is locked onto the Oprah channel.

I say, aim as low as you can, like, say, computer programmer.  Or blog writer.  Or blog writing computer programmer.  Those guys are desperate!  I mean, lower self-esteem than you convincing yourself that two sits-up make that cupcake OK.  Just repeat these simple phrases over and over to win his heart:
  • You've really built up some muscles lifting those comic book boxes!
  • The scenarios you've come up with for your Shogun Warriors vs Micronauts action figures is exciting and worthy of a spec script!
  • Which character is stronger?  Why, it's up to you, dear, you better understand the physics and science involved!
Just be prepared to dress up like Psylocke or me!

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