Top 10 Secret Goals of the Illuminati
10. Figure out special ray to heat up tin foil hats
9. Syphon off enough international banking money to afford front row RUSH tickets
8. Work more on taking over the world, less on getting drunk
7. Hold secret conference on kids and their gadgets. What's up with that? Why don't they play outside? Why, in our day, we played sports, got dirty, and we liked it but now they don't get their heads out of their (continued, #6)
6. (continued, #7) beep and bopping crazy plastic gadgets. And what's Pokemon? What's a Pikachu? Why is Brock such a pervert? Who knows? Kids!
5. How come we control the monetary supply but Apple makes that much?
4. Create special minting process to put pyramids in the eyes of Lincoln on the penny
3. Rap: Should we control that too? Are we "fly" or "hip" enough?
2. Develop new secret handshake, it seems the fist-bump has leaked
1. Dames? Right? We control all knowledge and we still haven't figured them out!