Friday, November 9, 2012

Criswell Once Again Peers into the Future!

Welcome back both seekers of knowledge and that fabulous boy who brings me my martini!  It's time for my vast precognitive skills to bring you a glimpse of the future!

Item: A great quake will split the Hollywood sign in half, leaving only the "wood."  Many 15 year old boys will titer greatly.

Item: Sandwiches will no longer be known as a type of food, but a new type of entertainment where two sexy Wiccans wrestle in a sand box.

Item: Presidential elections will no longer be decided by voting, as this has been outlawed by the Parrot Men who take over earth in 2072.  It will instead be decided by dressing up the candidates as crackers while screeching 'Polly want a president' at the top of their lungs, and seeing which candidate the Giant Super Parrot decides not to eat.

Item: Blow-up dolls become all the range; most men in future go from blue-balled to red-faced.

Item: The development of upper-lip Rogaine and Disco's stealth return through dubstep will be completed in 2016, leading to a re-union of the Village People with even more ridiculous mustaches.

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