Today we start our multipart look at a "lost" Herschell Gordon Lewis movie, 1970's Miss Nymphet's Zap-In. Imagine a Lewis movie that even Lewis didn't care to keep. Now imagine it's a nude take-off of Laugh-In.
Yup. Tighten your seat belts and put on your knee pads. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
Yup. Tighten your seat belts and put on your knee pads. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
Art Director: Little Bobby Johnson, Age 5
Recovered from a recently found 35mm print that's so scratchy it's easy to believe the film was trying to destroy itself out of embarrassment -- we can now see this lost classic in all it's glory. I'm using the terms "classic" and "glory" very loosely, also "we" as I doubt anybody has read past that title card.
This nudie cutie is basically a take off of Laugh-In, plus boobs, minus humor. And, if you've ever seen Laugh-In, you know that minus humor is to be taken very seriously. Laugh-In was about as funny as getting your hand stuck in a bear trap; Zap-In is about as funny as getting your hand stuck in a bear trap with a bear near-by who thinks the tastiest part of humans are the genitals.
The party never ends in hell!
Each terrifyingly unfunny skit ends with either the same two go-go dancers or the cast and crew of the local community theatre production of STD: The Musical! yelling "Zap."
The guy from the Apple vs PC ads was desperate for money.
Our first skit involves a naked chick and a refuge from the hobo dimension's idea of a boy band. There's a joke. It's truly awful. So let's try something from 101 Hamburger Jokes instead.
Q: Where did the burgers go after their wedding?
A: On a bun-eymoon!
All this doctor equipment was expensive, so we decorated with construction paper.
The next skit is a women complaining to a doctor that she wonders if she's frigid. Gee, golly, I wonder where the heck this skit is going? The possibilities for this story arc are nearly endless; multitudes of branching paths with deep emotional connections and fascinating characters.
Or, you know, the 1970 nudie cutie equivalent of off-screen sex. It's possible!
I don't think that's a regulation tongue depressor...
One strange thing about this skit: the guy playing the doctor has decided on a pretty poor Paul Lynde impersonation. I hate to break it to them, but I don't think this is how Lynde played doctor. There were a lot less boobs around.
What's the scene's joke? I don't think there is one. There's a punch line, but it's about as close to a joke as this blog is to relevance, which is to say, not very. So, 101 Hamburger Jokes it is!
Q: What did the hamburger say when it pleaded not guilty?
A: I've been flamed!
The only time go-go dancing was allowed in the Taj Mahal.
Red-headed Zebra-Centaur and Semaphore Skirt do some go-go dancing and we get an over-layed joke. To demonstrate I haven't been kidding about the horror of this, the joke is:
Q: The social event of the vice squad
A: The police man's ball
Was it worth it to know that? Why, when you can have this?
Q: What happens when two burgers fall in love?
A: They live together in holy meatrimony!
Continue: Part 2!
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