To add a bit of context, here's the content of her Dear John letter:
Dear Freckle Face,
I can get over the fact that you look like Jimmy Olsen in drag, something that seemed to happen way more times than necessary to get that "scoop." Your breath smelling like a rotten cow carcass stuffed into a rotting whale carcass stuffed into the Smog Monster from that Godzilla film is a bit harder to deal with, but if they made masks that could withstand mustard gas attacks in WWI, then I can probably find a way to deal with it.
What I can't deal with is your utter inability to use a dryer sheet. That dress clings to you like it was made out of cheesecloth and Elmer's glue. And high heels in bed? Gauche!
Please never call me again,
The caged geek at the local sideshow
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