Monday, May 26, 2014

Sunny Gore-ida: Love Goddesses of Blood Island, Part 5

If new to this series, start here.

This movie keeps going and I'm beginning to feel it, deep in my withered soul.  I think if I found myself in a crafts store and got near the fake tropical foliage section, I might go nuts.  It would certainly make an interesting news item!

Whirlpool hair, big for a couple of days in the late 60s.

One day, and one day soon, a majestic bird will appear from that egg on her head, and then that bird shall grow scales and burn every last person that worked on this movie, or was related to somebody that worked on this movie, or dared do a good deed for anybody that worked on this movie.

This is the next lady for our hunky hero to make love/uselessly paw.  But she has a sinister secret!

One for the ladies, if you like prehensile butt testicles.

Our next woman actually wants to escape, and enlists the aid of our hero.  She tells him that they still have to make love, because:

"You're being watched, didn't you know, there are three of them, now out there in the jungle.  They are love goddesses, they love watching as much as participating."

To which our hero replies:

"Degenerate fiends!"

I'm willing to accept a remote island full of love goddesses and plastic kiddie pools surrounded by faux marble, but I'm not willing to believe that there's a single hetrosexual male that said those words next to "hot women want to watch you have sex with hot women."  That stretches my suspension of disbelief until it snaps back and kills the cat.

Beach Blanket Bingo got really weird near the end.


Here's where it's obvious we are missing footage.  Suddenly he's at the center of ring around the rosie if you replace rosie with pointy stab-y sticks.

A scene from every stoner party I went to in college.

Our lead love goddesses -- sounds like a position at an LA strip club -- lead the bruhaha with all the gusto of somebody medicated for the pain of a missing bottom half.

Part of the missing footage -- and I'm guessing, because I've seen enough of these films to know that continuity isn't something they'd even wave "hi" at from the other side of the street -- must have been our hero and the other woman planning their escape.

They've really updated Disney's Tiki Lounge!

... and it seems the escape plan involves our hero being stabbed repeatedly.  Not particularly well thought out.  But wait, is that rope not tied very securely?  Isn't this exciting?  Kind of?

Next: The exciting conclusion!  Or just a conclusion.

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