It's a White Off!

Sadomasicist Nurse: Your alabaster mistress is back from a long absence!

Sadomasicist Nurse: Actually, I was trapped for a couple of weeks under a camping supply avalanche in aisle 5 at my local Target -- but -- it just kept me out of the sun longer, and now I am the whitest of the white!

Greta Ghoul: Hold it right there missy!  Next to me, you're nearly pearl.  That's right.  I would dare to say eggshell, even!

Sadomasicist Nurse: I would respond, but all I see when I look in the direction of that husky voice is a big, swirling black hole.  If somebody at the paint store put up the digital color detector, it would read "a region of space-time with gravity so intense that not even light can escape."

Greta Ghoul: Off-white bitch!

Sadomasicist Nurse: Feel the cold bed-pan of my chalky wrath!

***

Important Editors Note:
This seemed funny to me when I thought of it.  No kidding.  I'm as surprised as you.

Greta Ghoul's Halloween Soiree

Greta Ghoul: Welcome, minions of base evil!  It's time for my annual Halloween Soiree, hosted by your lime green mistress of mayhem, Greta Ghoul!

Greta Ghoul: Tonight I've only invited my best, most cherished, and chalky-ish white friends.  Nobody else allowed!  And I want to stress that statement does not mean anything, there is absolutely no foreshadowing of any unexpected guest at all on Halloween!  Halloween stories never include foreshadowing!

Sadomasicist Nurse: Ah, what a lovely night this is.  The wolves howl in the distance, and men around me howl at the application of my nipple clips.

Nothing could ruin this night, and again, foreshadowing is definitely not allowed!

Big Brained Wonder Woman: Salutations my pearl-hued female friends!  I have perused every publication of the literary publication Cosmo, and have untold numbers of party planning tips and other festively enumerated lists so we can maximize our All Hallow's Eve entertainment.

I have also invited a colleague who needs to consume vast quantities of inhibitory liquids.

Shadow Weaver: Ugh, Hordak has been pawing me all day!  I really need to wipe the thought of him leaning over me until I can smell the meatball sub he had for lunch and discover just how bad his bathing habits are!  It's either booze or an industrial strength sanding from a power tool.

Big Brained Wonder Woman: Certainly, it seems the the ratio or men to woman is unevenly distributed!  Cosmo tells us that this is a detriment to party cohesion.  There exists an easy solution to our intractable conundrum!  I have request the presence of a male specimen!

Hitler Wolf: Whoa ... that last party was a real sausage fest but this one is a real casaba fiesta!

Shadow Weaver: *sigh* Industrial strength sanding it is.

Grandma: Did I hear sausage mentioned?!?!?!  Woo-hoo!  A wolf!

Greta Ghoul: Luckily, I'm too dark to be depressed and too emo to be disappointed.

Sadomasicist Nurse Visits The Fair

Parking lot of the defunct K-mart, here we come!

There's nothing I like more than the smell of cotton candy, the taste of elephant ears, and the stinging cries of my clients as my tortures bring them pleasure beyond comprehension ... and those rubber duck games.  Those are a lot of fun!  As a bonus, nothing brings more pain then spending a couple of bucks and getting a pathetic blow up doll, except, of course, the bout of hepatitis from the rancid sewer water those ducks are floating in.

Better yet, nothing helps my business more than the hail of deadly projectiles being flung from each mechanical death trap euphemistically called "rides."  There's the toboggan ride, or more faithfully know as the "hair munching scalper", the ferris wheel or the "twist ties are just as strong as bolts" and the haunted house, or "if you are scared by the sound of air pistons, then this is the ride for you!"

Oh, and the food!  Breading, or "play dough plus paint chips", is the basis of almost every food stuff, not counting the cotton candy which is made of recycled insulation plus a hint of cobwebs.  Throw on sugar and/or dried and flaked duck pond water, and you've got a meal worthy of the hell food truck.

Well, back to work, it looks like we have a bunch of cases of the fair plague!

Sadomasicist Nurse Business Blunder

Sadomasicist Nurse: My nursing work has been drying up lately.

Sadomasicist Nurse: The administrators of the hospital I work for -- well, used to work for -- have told me that I've failed to grasp the concept that a hospital is for making people feel better.  Feel better?  What a strange concept!  I told those administrators that I'd like to administrate some pain on them, and then they punched me in the face and threw me out on my china-white tuccus.

This is not at all what I meant, and my butt hurts!

So, I'm starting my own business, called "Beatings for a Buck."

Big Brian Wonder Woman: I must intrude on this conversational creation of a new independent business venture.  I must forcibly interject that for one dollar your cost/profit ratio will be heavily slanted towards ...

Sadomasicist Nurse: Shut up!

Never has a low volume blog been populated with such annoying characters!

Anyway, I already have some clients lined up!

Henchmen: Wow-ee, boss, she's got much prettier lips than you!

Big Brian Wonder Woman: Let me point out that you were given sufficient warning!

Sadomasicist Nurse: Shut up!

Sadomasicist Nurse Printing Panic

I've decided to start my own Dungeon of Debauchery!

Except the fliers I put out had a printing error!  What kind of weirdos -- well, different weirdos -- will my Dungeon of Debunkery bring in?

Many welcome greetings my compact-dressed ashen female!  I am big brain wonder woman, who's cranial capacity is as savagely tight as your dress!  I would enjoy immensely becoming a full-fledged member of your scintillating society of debunkery!  While I have throughly debunked all manner of conspiracy and cryptozoological interests, I would be more than happy to impart my vast wisdom to any future members of your wonderful club!

Why, yes, you may borrow my magic lasso!

*ouch*

Oh, I see.  Big brain wonder woman now understand the pun-like nature of the flier mistake.

I'd still like to stay.

Sadomasicist Nurse has a Robot Monster Moment

The doctor told me to give the patient an injection ...

... which will hurt ...
... but the injection will stop the pain of the sickness ...
... so, causing more pain actually results in less pain!

I can not, but I must!  How do you calculate that?  At what point on the graph do must and cannot meet?

Ah, screw it.  I'll just whip him!