Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Hermey's Thoughts on the Holiday Season

Hermey here.

So you want to know my thoughts on the holiday season?

How about instead I tell you a story.  In the frozen, deadly landscapes of the north, there lives a beast.  A Yeti, by the name of Bumble.  Bumble is composed of three things: teeth, claws, and blood-fueled fury.  Many have seen this creature.  Few have survived.

Bumble shrugs off bullets as you would the rain; Bumble outweighs me by 25 to 1, and is the same in his stature.  Mountains shake and avalanches roll when he roars.  He eats reindeer whole; no buck is any threat to him, a doe even less so.  He is the top of the food chain in at the North Pole, all fear hearing his fearful howling, for it is a sign you will be his next victim.

I should mention one more thing about this spawn of the blackest hell ... I pulled out every one of it's teeth and made it my bitch.  It now hangs festive ornaments for me.

So, you still want to bother Hermey with questions?  That's what I thought.

Move along now.

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