Monday, March 26, 2012

The Cursed Spook Story Time: The Upper Berth

Why read pages of wordy gothic horror when the cursed spook can be your own personal synopsis?

The Upper Berth

You are on a boat, sharing a cabin.  Some type of old-timey boat, it's not really important to the story but don't imagine it's the Love Boat.  Captain Stubings and horror don't mix.  Gopher and horror, maybe.

You've taken the lower berth.  In the upper berth is a passenger you've never seen.  There's supposed to be something spooky about the room.  I think the room number was 217 ... or 237 ... if so, don't look in the tub!  Honestly, take my word for this!

Anyway, this mysterious passenger smells like the sea.  This is because he spent three hours stuffing his Hawaiian-shirt-wearing tourist gullet at the all you can eat crab and lobster buffet.  He then danced what could charitably be called "Salsa", but more realistically called "the fidgeting of a fish with nerve damage."  He is sitting above you, moaning like a ghost with his stomach full of slightly rancid seafood, feeling the boat rock back and forth ... back ... and ... forth ...

Suddenly, he bends over, stares straight at you, and ....


Ha ha ha!  What a frightening story!  Exactly how it was originally written by F. Mario Crawdaddy!  Don't look it up, I'm a spook, I know these things!

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