I have a stick and I'm going to use it!
Do you damn kids know how much those pink flamingos cost? On my salary, a lot! And I know how all you little bastards chortle so every time you line up my garden gnomes like they are in some movie where a wicked person sews a bunch of folks together into a kind of human, multi-legged arthropod!
That sounds like the kind of sick movie you laughing hyenas would watch!
I see you behind my azaleas, you little snot-nosed punks! You think I like having every branch covered in your filthy toilet paper? When I was young, we didn't show toilet paper out in the open! We kept that function private, and when we went shopping we always bought ... it ... first so we could pile up the other groceries on it so nobody could see it! Sure, we all knew we used it, but it gave us all plausible deniability!
... and right next to plausible deniability is pushing deep and that's exactly what this stick is going to be doing if I catch you degenerates!
Get off my lawn!