Monday, July 15, 2013

The Wellspring of Porn Plots: Shocking Set, Part 1

Imagine, if you will -- or won't -- no skin off my nose -- an apartment where the TV set has stopped working.  Now imagine that said TV set is owned by three hot ladies in desperate need of attention.  Now imagine a man comes over to fix said set.

Also, imagine it's the 60s so you can't show gentials or sex.

Now imagine a very cold shower.  And a very scratchy loofa.

Where is the HDMI port on this?

Welcome to Shocking Set !!?, the two !! are for how shocking it is and the ? is for what the hell is up with the kerning on the "g"?

Shocking Set is a 60s nudie cutie which I'm betting contains the first actual repair man/plumber/pizza boy plus randy women plot in history.  Wether the guy that comes to the door is a TV repair man or the guy tasked with bull semen milking, the plot is the same.  The ladies need sex and our doughy man has the puns.

Today's PTA meeting is topless and in the corner behind the bed.

Here's our prerequisite sexy owners of the broken TV.  They and their shadows argue about what is worse -- a haircut based on a football or the haircut of the little Dutch boy who plugged the dike with his finger.

On a personal note, whenever I encounter a group of sexy topless chicks, they always seem to be crowded unto one side of the bed, and screaming with what I assume is a female in the throws of passion: words like "ewwww" and "put that away."

It's a seance to summon up some dignity.

The one in the middle might have the haircut of a 7 year old boy but she's smart enough not to wear one of those baby dolls.  That's what every woman wants to be sexy, lingerie that makes you look like a slightly pastel pyramid.

Their apartment seems to be decorated in early Grecian with a hint of high school stage.

They play rock-paper-sissors to decide who gets to sex up the TV repair man and the woman in blue wins, mostly because the little Dutch boy picked spoon and the woman in yellow ate a shoe.

Hey lady, what's more embarrassing, your hair or my hat?

Here's our sexy 60s male specimen.  Dumb hat, slacks approaching nipple level, a pink shirt, and a face that looks like a slightly droopy chunk of beef.

Of course, the woman he's getting looks like a oatmeal box on top of a light blue wedge, so beggars can't be choosy.  The look on our guys face says less "wow" and more "is she wearing the curtains from my basement window?"

Actual Dialog: "That's a nice set."

If I failed to mention the music in this short, then you have my completely and utterly insincere apology.  It's wacky, up-tempo banjo music ... and I've learned no other music is even remotely close to getting women in the mood.  Again, assuming "ewwww" and "were you in an industrial accident" are signs of a woman dying to have sex with me.

I don't think mounting the TV is going to make either of you happy.

You know what modern porn is missing and is worse off for it?  Wacky hi-jinx.

You know what modern porn is missing and is better off for it?  Lighting every scene with what seems like aircraft landing lights.

So that's what a naked dame looks like!

Our hot little number decides to take off her nightie by claiming she needs to sew it.  This distracts our -- look, let's just call him our hunk because frankly it's the best we are going to do -- and then something actually shocking happens...

To be Continued!

Exciting, isn't it?  It's a cliff hanger! Part 2!

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