Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Wellspring of Porn Plots: Shocking Set, Part 2

You might want to check out part 1 as this part is full of spoilers for the shocking climax of "Shocking Set" ... by which I mean the film smells like it's spoiled and the shock is there's nary a climax to be found.

But there's dumb hats and big hair a-plenty!

60's TVs -- so unsafe even the shelf can shock you!

After being distracted one too many times from the living beehive (last seen in Spider-man #214, "The Sting of the Beehive") our lunky TV repair man shocks himself into unconsciousness.  Having blown the entire special effects budget on frilly panties and industrial strength hair cement, we are treated to a 10 second epileptic fit followed by a gentle, non-hat bending collapse.

All and all, nothing like that time I hooked up the family dog to the jumper cables.*

* did not happen.  Do not leave me angry comments.

The royal bed is not for the like of the!

Our beautiful mound of hair rushes back to tell the other fine ladies that there's been a problem.  They don't believe her and lock her in the closet -- because, damn it, that blobby guy in a pink shirt with burn marks around his nipples will be all theirs -- and if they have to starve some bitch in the closet that's just the price they are willing to pay.

Were sloppy Jack Klugmen clones really that valuable?

What's with that railing?  Did they rent the Parthenon for this film?

Our second bearer of the beehive (Spider-man #257, "Return to the Hive") tries her luck with our TV repair man who is currently highly confused from the vicious shocking.  He's not sure if this is a different lady or the same from before.  The boobs look similar.  The hair looks really similar.  Her wooden acting is exactly the same.

Do pink shirts and dumb hats really work this well?

She lays our poor repair man on the couch and begins to administer the charm.  It's no wonder none of these women can find a man as they all seem to miss the most important aspect of capturing a man.

Things that don't matter:
  • Charm
  • Kindness
  • Helping
Things that do matter:
  • Boob (left)
  • Boob (right)
If this woman really cared about his health, she wouldn't have put him on that couch with a vertigo-producing pattern.  It looks like somebody freeze-dried a rather flowery swamp into the shape of a piece of furniture.

Listen, little Dutch boy, I don't know where that finger's been!

Of course, our top heavy (in hair) lady has to run off for a filmsy reason giving our third lady the chance to lay on the charm.

Again, our shocked and rattled repair man can't quite tell that this is a different woman.  The fact that he just went from somebody who's hair was held up by an erector set to a woman who's hair cut was modeled off a 12th century choir boy means he's either received a larger shock than first though, or he's focusing on something other than hair and face.

I think the second option sounds most reasonable.

The topless version of Dawn of the Dead isn't nearly as terrifying.

Eventually, all three of our hot chicks appear and all demand their part of our repair man.  Probably at the urging of their great god, the cement and light-bulb tiki lamp.

As it's a nudie cutie feature, the scene merciful ends here -- luckily for us because the repair man looks less like he's excited and more like he thinking that this is on the clock and he's getting paid hourly, and the women look like they are hunting for change in his shirt so they can buy a couch that's less nausating.

I'm just saying it would be an awful porno.

The 60s: Two channels, one "shocking set" and the other "the end."

And so ends the "Wellspring of Porn Plots", the 60s short Shocking Set.  Nothing that strange in this one, and it seems to hold an important place in the history of things you erase from your history list.

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