Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Spaghetti Strip: Sexy Proibitissimo, Part 1

I've reviewed a lot of 60's nudie cutie films, most are boring, some are entertainingly strange, and some of them slowly ratchet up the strangeness until somebody is stripping for Frankenstein.  Oh yes, this happens.  Welcome to our first Italian nudie cutie: Sexy Proibitissimo ... the film I'm going to regret doing as spelling Proibitissimo is annoyingly hard.

Me Italian Caveman!  Hope writer doesn't resort to broad ethnic stereotypes!

The idea behind ... sigh ... Sexy Proibitissimo ... is a bunch of stripping scenes throughout the ages.  We start back in caveman times, and our first few frames of the film tell us a couple important things. It's filmed well, and the women are stripping in a place that's probably 90% chiggers and ticks.

Our caveman is tired after a long day of hunting.  At this point, if you are a young earth creationist, then you know three things: (1) he was hunting dinosaurs and (2) the flood was caused by all the stripping and (3) how did they get this actual footage of caveman days???  Amazing!!!

Ug, time up!  Cave well lit by studio light, must be day!

Out sexy cave lady wants some attention, but our caveman is wiped out because a bunch of idiots keep asking him if he rides dinosaurs.

Sexy cave lady has a secret weapon.  No, not her Flintstone's hot bird-beak hair curler, but a sexy strip tease that momentarily will distract our caveman from remembering he's in a cave of rotting animals carcasses and human waste.  Sexy!

Ug, look, me invent thong!

Cave lady alluringly strips off her 20th century manufactured clothing, who's very existence would probably be a bit more exciting to our cave man.  Still, she gives it the best shot she can, as she rolls around in furs covered in fleas.

Wait, maybe it's not a dance, maybe it's some sort of ancient delousing!

How's the cave man doing?

Me bored.  Dance lack Je ne sais quoi.

Eh.  Ug seen better!  Ug seen cave bear wiggle better when Ug beat to death with club!

Our scene switches to a modern stripping show to compare.  In the 60s, a more polite time, you calmly circled the stripper and clapped slowly.  Nothing at all menacing about that!

The stormtrooper dance was a big hit at the rotary club.

Have a friend addicted to stripping?  Think this friend needs help?  Honestly, forget those 12 step programs, three steps in and you're drinking coffee like a truck stop waitress.  I propose a one step program:

Screen shots.

Take at the right time, any stripping, no matter how sexy, becomes something designed by H.R. Giger while possessed by H.R. Pufnstuf.

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