Quiz Time!

What's in the Black Ghoul's Bouffant?

Could it be?

• A corn silo?
• Framed with Lincoln Logs?
• Criswell's dignity?
• A buffet .. get it ... bouffant?  Buffet?  That killed them in Vaudeville!  Laid them out in the aisles!  A real corker!
• An intricate construction of bent wire hangers and gaffer's tape?
• Some kind of structural support for the push-up bra?
• An actual joke to make this post worth the 8 seconds it takes to read it?

Mail the correct answers to:

Ed Wood Jr's Men's Soft Sweater Club

Cashmere Blvd

Hollywood

Prizes will be awarded by Criswell passed out drunk behind your recycling bin.

Prize is one coupon for an Orgy of the Dead of your choice.  Prize has no cash value.  Prize has no value at all.  Can substitute for an Orgy of the Slightly Inconvenienced.

Criswell's Triumphant Return to the Stage

Criswell has never really been away, because how can you be away, when I am always in your future?

Criswell: In the future, men will no longer smoke what you consider "pipes", instead they will smoke from an elaborate system of PVC piping, connected directly to a "smoking machine."  Heating costs will go through the roof!

Many decades from now, women will woo men by a series of clicking and buzzing sounds.  Men will still use expensive drinks, but these drinks themselves will be buzzing and clicking!

In times ahead, cars will no longer be used, instead, people will get around on flying boats, and the sky will be called "the great ocean full of much small craft advisories."

Further into the mists of time, the Black Ghoul will no longer bug me for that paycheck for Orgy of the Dead, and instead shut her bouffanted pie-hole!

Black Ghoul: Hey!

Criswell: I also predict, now that it has been mentioned, somebody will be forced to review Orgy of the Dead!

Simon Bar Sinister: Hey!  Damn it to hell!  That thing doesn't even have a plot ...

OK, none of them have a plot, point taken.

Ghoul Fight

Girls, Girls!

Please, your haircut went out with the hippies ... and it probably smells like somebody set Woodstock on fire.

Really?  Really?  This from the woman with a 1950's beehive?  What's holding that up, popsicle sticks and rubber cement?

You think those faux librarian glasses make you look smart?  Too bad those glasses are on a face with a chin that's used to test jet landings!

You leave me no alternative ... would you like me to mention the movie those clips come from?  The joking werewolf and mummy duo?  Criswell's cue card catastrophe?  The dancers???

.... touche.

Criswell Predicts

Criswell, seer of all, reports from the distance future!

Many years from now, men shall no longer speak, but communicate through snappy show tunes!  "Miriam the Librarian" shall mean "Where is the nearest subway?"

There shall be great cities built on Mars .... by space porcupines!

In the future, people will no longer refer to their favorite fast food restaurant by it's real name, but shall instead use special future names, like "Taco Smell" and "Booger King."

In the future, many things we know now will be referred to as "ancient history" .... by space porcupines!

After a time, humans will no longer have a big toe; instead, they will have one enormous toenail shaped exactly like the missing toe!

Rising sea levels will force humanity to grow a new organ that resembles and functions the same as a horse-shaped flotation device!

Computers will no longer be programmed by humans, but will instead be programmed by dogs!  The only software that will be writen is:

10 print "snausages"
20 goto 10

Soon, bouffants shall make a comeback ... but only out of back hair ... of space porcupines!

And The Black Ghoul Responds:

Wait, you said you got me this bouffant at the store!