Friday, April 5, 2013

A Close Shave(r)

Today is my friend Shaver's birthday.  So I sent him my usual -- a completely inoffensive -- and utterly innocent -- text:

My thought?  Everybody does the women popping out of the cake.  Nobody does blog mascot Spooey popping out of a women popping out of a cake.  Probably for good reason.

So, for Shaver's birthday, I'm bringing up an oldie.  Many decades ago, Shaver and I worked at the same company in Kalamazoo.  In my space was a dry-erase board, to which I usually scrawled Top 10 Lists.  Looking back at a compilation of these list, Shaver remarked how mean some of them were, and how surprising it was they remained up on my dry-erase board without anybody complaining.

I think they just got used to my antics and ignored me.  One of these lists Shaver dubbed "The Winner of the Nasty List Hall of Fame."  For good reason.  I apologize before hand, as I should.

Some background: Brenda and Terri were co-workers and Hot 'n Now was a (now defunct) Kalamazoo burger joint that specialized in super cheap burgers.

Here we go...

Top 10 things alike about Brenda, Terri and Hot 'n Now

10. Brenda and Terri have blonde hair, can usually find hair in your Double Deluxe
9. Brenda and Terri's IQ equals current number of Hot 'n Now locations
8. Brenda layers hair spray, Terri layers make-up, Hot 'n Now layers grease
7. All three come cheap around lunchtime
6. Brenda and Terri's misuse of hair spray helps destroy ozone layer, ultra-violet rays kill as many cows as Hot 'n Now
5. All three have some kind of drive-through service
4. Both Brenda and Terri date, Hot 'n Now uses dated meat
3. All three have been in magazines: Terri in "Playboy," Brenda in "Soldier of Fortune," and Hot 'n Now in "Gristle Weekly"
2. All three pander to people who really care about "quality"
1. The words "Hot" and "Now" have been used continuously around all three

Happy Birthday, Shaver!  Sorry, Brenda and Terri!

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