Sunday, April 28, 2013

The Naked Ape: The Beast That Killed Women, Part 4

Start here if new to this series: Part 1

After the awesome appearance of the beast, the director wisely decides to slow down the movie with endless footage of hearse parking, gurney unloading, gurney traveling to crime site, body loading, gurney making a return trip, and gurney loading.

All interspaced with lots of naked chicks saying things like "I heard there's a body" and "let's go see the body" and "Melissa, who does your butt bronzer, it's so cute, I just must know!"

Careful ... careful ... you might hit the invisible cars.

I think at this point we need to try something a little different as the beast has gone AWOL and it's getting a bit hard to come up with comedy that's not pun-related.  So, we present:

Welcome to the Parade of Horrorables
First Annual
Nudist Discuss the Important Issues of the Day
Blog Post

Let's look in on some conversation about the important topics that have an impact on ourselves, our communities, and our potential viewing of boobs.

Red Head: Did you know that E=mc^2 only counts for bodies at rest?
Black Hair: Of course, the correct equation for bodies in motion is E^2=(mc^2)^2 + (cp)^2.

I find this painting the most fascinating piece in the museum.  The artist used the medium of matted blue hair to convey the existential anguish of being Henry McCoy, and having to choose between Professor Xavier's ideas and the renegade Scott Summers.

I call this meeting of Mensa to order.  First up, we'll calculate the exact weight of our breasts by modeling the complex surface area and decomposing it into simpler solids who's composition will determine the overall weight.

Left: I've done it, I've finally broken the energy efficiency problem with solar panels!
Center: Ah, I've seen what you've done, you've used alternating colors to channel specific wavelengths of light to create an effect that raises the ability of the solar cells to convert the photons to energy!
Right: I have pretty hair!

It's nice that they installed a refreshing soda machine next to pink Stonehenge.

Thank you.
This series will return the next time
the blog author runs out of nude lady jokes.

Well, we know she died in terror...

The body of our unfortunate ape and fashion victim is carted away, and The Beast That Killed Women rumbles on like a runaway toy train down a very gentle slope.

While Dracula has garlic, it seems our beast is frightened of naked hotties, which means we've got a ways to go before we see him again.  This is either an extremely good thing or an extremely bad thing.  You'll be the judge when we get to part 82.

Keep going: Part 5

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