Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Zombie Unhappy In Love

We need to talk.

Honey, you're my man and I love you, but you are too thin.  I'm telling you this for you own good.

A man can only be attractive when he's got some weight on his body, and some extra mass on his brraaaiiinnnnssss.  Being thin is no good; you don't feel right to hug and, frankly, you run too fast.

No, please listen.  I'm telling you this because I love you and your braaaiiiinnnssss!

I think a week or two of heavy eating and lounging around will solve this problem.  Feel free to sleep on my couch (the one with the straps); you are safe to close your eyes and not be on high alert.  Being stressed just makes you lose weight, so leave the shotgun and/or axe at home!

I love you, dear, and I only want what's best for your brraaaaiiinnnnssssss!

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