To: Makers of Plastic Trick or Treat Pumpkin Pails
Re: The hole in the bottom
My clients are a group of curmudgeons who refer to Halloween as "that time all the socialist demand my hard earned candy" and trick-or-treaters as "communist scum" and then always add "I didn't watch the history channel's 5 part series on Vietnam to be opening the door for Stalin's minions!"
We have a small request: please stop manufacturing your pails with holes in the bottom.
My clients seem to think that this dims the effectiveness of peeing in them when said communist scum comes demanding free hand-outs from my client -- hand-outs which my clients tell me they worked hard to get by walking to the mailbox and collecting their non-socialist social security checks. It is less satistying when the bodily fluids just pour unto my client's walkway instead of pooling in the bottom of the pail and floating up all the candy like the flotsam and jetsam of the broken dreams of communist scum, rained on by the mighty yellow stream of the proud bald eagle of freedom.
My clients don't get out a lot.
Spooky Space Kook, Esq.