Thursday, October 4, 2012

Bardos Metal Mania: Dokken: Dream Warriors

Bardos reviews a special video for Halloween 2012, featuring Dokken, Freddy Kruger, clips from Nightmare on Elm Street 3, and the majestic wings of Don Dokken's feathered hair.  Bonus: Skeleton Guitar.  ROCK!

Dream Warriors

The Most Diabolical Evil Lurks Within the Walls of this House

Every board, ever nail of this house is permeated with vast darkness:

What terrible blackness, what heart-pumping fearsome beast lays in wait inside that manse?


Don't pretend like you didn't know I was going there.  Remember that old urban legend about Mick Jagger and David Bowie having an affair?  Well, here's their unholy spawn, and from this screenshot it looks like he's telling his waiter to take back the hamburger.

I said no pickles!  No pickles!  I'm Don Friggin' Dokken and Don Friggin' Doken Doesn't Eat Pickles!

Worst House Infestation Ever

I think I hear something scurrying about!

Damn it, we've got lead guitarists in walls again!

Well, we're going to have to call in the exterminators back!  I thought we got rid of those lead guitarist after we called in those grunge folks, but then the grunge folks disappeared, too!  I guess the only exterminators left in town are the dubstep folks!

Grand Bull Moose Winner For Worst Lyric Ever

"We're the dream warriors!
Ain't gonna dream no more!"

So, the one thing that defines you, being a dream warrior, you're not going to do anymore.  Good plan.  Very, very, very good plan.


Other possible lyrics rejected by band: We're the car drivers, ain't gonna drive no more!  We're the pastry chefs, ain't gonna make scones no more!

Probably Not a Good Sign For Continued Band Success

A demonic, undead and immortal dream monster, created from the soul of a burned-alive child molester, can't stand your music.

Oh yeah, skeleton guitar!  ROCK!

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